Skeleton Appetite
by Puldoh
Summary: UPDATED-You see nothing good, feel useless, feel fat When Mikey overhears these truths coming from family, he starts on a mission to change himself, and on this path, he obsesses about himself, losing himself as his family tries to save him from himself
1. Chapter 1

They were running, competing with each other. Michelangelo was way ahead, running backwards, watching his brothers trying to catch him, he laughed, "Com'n bros, can't catch your baby bro?" he cackled, turning around and running even faster.

Leo panted with each breathe, "How…can he…keep….going…??"

Don smiled while he ran, trying to keep up, "He's…hyper….how else??"

Raph grinned, an idea struck him, "I….can…stop…him…Don…Need…your bo," he said panting, seeing Mikey ahead by a few feet.

Don looked at Leo who nodded, and he turned back to Raph who was running beside him, "Okay, be…careful…"

Raph just smiled grimly, grabbing the bo from Don's hands, he turned it and threw it toward Mikey, tangling in his feet. Mikey fell to the ground hard, crying out in pain as he slid a few feet. Raph laughed out loud, his other brothers chuckled. Mikey winced as he sat up, "Nice Raph!" he said grouchily. "You were only supposed to tag me, not try to kill me!"

Raph laughed, picking up Don's bo and handing it to his bro. "Aww, com'n Mikey, that was perfect, and now that your staying still, I can tag ya!" and swatted Mikey behind the head.

Mikey yelped. He then started to get up when he cried out in sudden pain. His brothers stopped laughing and Leonardo asked, "What's wrong?"

Mikey winced, "My leg, it hurts, like a lot." he said, rubbing his leg and wincing in pain. Don stepped forward, grabbing Mikey's let and started examining it. He touched a few areas, and seeing that it caused Mikey pain, he figured out what was wrong, "You sprained your ankle. it's a mild one, but you'll be fine once we ice it and you keep off it for a few days. Okay?"

Mikey nodded, and winced as Don helped him up. Raph had a frown on his face, feeling bad that he had caused Mikey to get hurt. "I'm sorry Mikey, I didn't mean for you to get hurts or nothing, I was just fooling around."

Mikey grinned, "Aww, its alright Raph, I would've did the same to you. Just help me home, k?"

Raph nodded, taking Mikey's other side and helped Mikey home. He grunted though, "Geez Mikey, you need to lose some weight, your heavy."

Mikey scowled, "I ain't fat Raph, so shut up."

Leo grinned, "Well, you have ate nothing but junk food and you can't stop eating…you are gaining some weight there Mikey. Maybe you should ease up on the junk food."

Mikey frowned, '_he wasn't fat, was he? Naah, there just teasing me, they always do. I'm fine, right?_' "I ain't fat, right Donnie?" turning to his brainy brother.

Don shrugged, "No, not really, your still growing, that's all."

Mikey frowned but remained silent. _He thought about his weight constantly for the next few days, wondering. Don's words 'not really' echoed constantly thru his head. Was he really fat? No, he wasn't! I'm growing, Donnie said I was still growing, wait, does that mean he thinks I am fat? _

That night Mikey sat on his bed, ice on his ankle as he wrote in his journal….

Today was a day that it sticking in my head…it started out good. We were training all day, having fun, enjoying each other. I was running, they had to catch me. I loved it. The feel of the wind on my face as I ran fast. They couldn't catch up. Then Raph had to throw Donnie's bo at me, he made me fall. I hurt my ankle. It doesn't hurt so much anymore. Raph felt bad, but that' was alright. That's Raph. He always hurts me, just like the others. It doesn't hurt so much anymore, I learned how to take it…but today, I found out that they think I'm fat. I don't think I'm fat, I don't. I short, I hate being the shortest. I should be tall like them, its not fair.

I am not fat, maybe a little stubby…but I ain't. They're just teasing me, calling me names. I wish they knew that words hurt. They always have. They say things, and apologize later, but it sticks in your head, stays with you, echo's in your mind, replay by replay, till it feels real, that it is true…and I keep fighting against it, I hate them, sometimes, I hate them all. And I feel bad…but its not fair. I am not fat, right? When I can stand up, I'm going to look in the mirror, I'll make sure I ain't fat…

I hate their words….but I love them….words I can handle…..I think….

I'm not fat, right? Why can't that thought stay away, fat, heavy, stop eating, fat, that's all I am thinking about now. Go away, I'm not fat, I'm not. Right? Donnie says I'm still growing, so it can't be true…wait, he didn't say that I wasn't fat, he just days I'm still growing.?? That means he thinks I'm fat.

I AM NOT FAT!!!! Just gotta keep saying that Mikey, I AM NOT FAT….right??????????????????


	2. Chapter 2

When his ankle was healed, he and his bro's went topside, planning on visiting April and Casey. He smiled, "Hiya April, Casey!"

They smiled, "Hi Mikey, where are your brothers?" Casey asked, looking over Mikey's shoulders.

"Those slowpokes, their coming, they are getting slow in their old age," He said giggling.

Casey looked confused, "Ain't you all the same age?"

Mikey grinned, "Yeah, but I'm the youngest and the prettiest." he said mockingly. Striking a pose for his friends, they laughed.

April said, "Well guys, its time to get to work, your brothers are standing right there Mikey." pointing behind me.

Losing his pose, he turned, blushing, he saw his brothers laughing. He shook his head. Walking behind April, they started helping moving antiques and furniture. Having fun and being careful, they moved a lot of things for April.

"Okay guys, thanks for the help! Now, to reward you guys, I am going to order out, sing what you want," April said smiling.

Leo smiled, "You don't have to do that April, we were glad to help!"

April smiled kindly at Leo, "I know, but I want to show you my appreciation, and since I can't do your ninja stuff, or other things. I can order food. So com'n, tell me what you all want for supper, its really is no problem."

Leo nodded, turning to his brothers, "So guys, what do you want to eat?"

Don smiled, "Chinese."

Raph smirked, "Pizza."

Mikey jumped up and down, "Pizza for me too Leo, me too."

Leo laughed, "Okay, I want Chinese. So its two-two. Hey April, can you order for both?? We'll chip in."

April smiled, "Sure, just make sure you save enough food for all of us," and she glanced at Mikey.

Mikey saw it, and turned away, he was hurt. _He liked eating, that was true, but he wouldn't keep it all for himself. He was able to stop eating anytime, and he could go without…there were times when they were children and Master Splinter couldn't find any food. They starved a little as kids…but they were stronger for it, made them appreciate what Master Splinter did for them. _He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard a loud shriek of laughter. He smiled as he saw Don and Leo laughing together. He looked over and saw April and Casey were wet. He wondered what he missed.

Hearing the doorbell ringing, they instantly hid from sight as April paid for the food. As soon as the door closed, he smiled, coming out from hiding. Casey came from the kitchen, arms full of sodas and some bottle water. Mikey sniffed, he loved the smell of pizza.

After they ate a couple of slices, Raph commented, "Ease up on the pizza bro," he said smirking, "Or your going to lose your pretty looks," he said sarcastically.

Mikey had been aiming his third pizza toward his mouth when Raph said that, and he paused, mid way. "What does that mean?"

Raph looked at Casey, snickering. "Told ya!"

Casey laughed out loud. Leo and Don looked at each other, wondering what was up. They stared at the two. Mikey glared. "What does that mean Raph!!!" he said a little miffed.

"Nothing Mike, it's just that your starting to get a little chunky there bro!" Raph said snickering.

Mikey glanced down at himself, feeling a bit self conscious. He felt a little weird. _Chunky, Raph thinks I'm chunky?? I'm not fat, am I?_ Mikey put his pizza down, a frown on his face. He felt like he got smacked. Then Casey laughed again. Mikey sighed, he finished his pizza and didn't eat anymore. Casey went to the kitchen, returning with a beer. April smacked his arm, "Where did you get that Casey, I thought I told you no more beer!"

Mikey smiled, seeing the look on Casey's face. His face was indignant, and flushed with embarrassment. "Its just a beer April, chill."

Mikey's eyes widen in shock, and saw April's temper flared. Suddenly, he, Casey and April were alone in the kitchen. Mikey had been trapped in the booth-like table, and his brothers vanished quickly, knowing there was going to be a blow-up. Mikey grinned as April laid it in.

"CASEY ARNOLD JONES, YOU GIVE ME THAT BEER RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO YOUR MOTHER, THAT I WILL…I WILL….LECTURE YOU FOR A WHOLE MONTH!!!" April shrieked at Casey.

Casey paled, "It's just a damn beer April, I'm an adult, I can drink!"

April glared, tapping her feet in anger, "And I have told you before, you do not drink in my house anymore. Not after what happened last time. You still owe me for that toaster, microwave and telephone. Now give it."

Casey sighed, handing his beer over to April's outstretched hand. She turned sharply, storming into the kitchen. Mikey giggled, loving that April wasn't afraid of Casey. Casey suddenly glared at him, and Mikey flinched at the glare. He didn't like Casey's temper, and was kind of afraid of the man when he was angry.

"You think tha' was funny? Well, at least I have a brain!" Casey said angrily.

Mikey frowned, not understanding, "What do you mean by that?"

Casey smiled, "The only thing your good for is eating and stuffing your face, no wonder you getting so heavy, look at you. All you do is eat, stuff your face, and fuck around. No brain, it's a wonder that you got brawn, really!"

Mikey felt the words slice thru him, it hurt. "That's not true," he said weakly, "I contribute to this family…"

Casey laughed, "Yeah, sure you do Mike, all you do is fuck up, eat and sleep. Get your head outta the clouds for a change."

Mikey didn't reply, tears built up in his eyes, Casey's words hurt. A lot. '_fuck up' 'eat' 'no brain' 'stuff your face' 'getting so heavy'_ and he turned toward the window, needing to get some air. April walked back into the dining room and saw Casey stalking away and me starting to open the window.

"Mikey, you alright?" April asked a bit concerned.

Mikey shook his head, "No, I'm going to the roof, I need some air," he said brokenly. And jumped out the window. He could feel April's eyes on his shell as he left.

On the roof, he paced, Casey's words echoing through his head. _Don's words, Leo's, Raph's. They all had a problem with his weight. He wasn't that big. He was the fastest out of his brothers. He was good at gymnastics, and always had a lot of energy. What was wrong with him? He was fat. That's what is wrong. He needed to lose some weight. That's all. If he lost some weight, they wouldn't tease him about his weight, about how heavy he was. 10 pounds. I can lose 10 pounds easy. Yeah, that's what I'll do, I'll lose some weight, and he would get better. He was fat, ugly, that's what's wrong, he could fix it. If he fixed it, maybe he would feel better. _

He went back inside, he was still hungry, but he ignored his stomach. He had to teach it that he didn't need to be fed all the time. He sat the couch near Casey, flinching a little. He didn't like Casey as much anymore, he was kind of scary when he was angry. "What's up Chubby?" he said in a whispered voice.

Mikey flinched again, but turned his head away, feeling fatter even more. He sighed. _He could lose 10 pounds, that was going to be easy. He would feel better…that's all I need…10 pounds._

I hate Casey, he's so mean. He's a jerk. He told me I was fat, that I'm stupid. No brain, all brawn. That's all I'm good for according to him. Jerk. Why did he say that? Why was he so mean, its not fair. I ain't fat. But he says I am, maybe I should lose weight. 10 Pounds. That's what I decided earlier . I could lose 10 pounds. Then he wouldn't say that. I can train more, learn more about fighting. I'm not only good for fighting. I help, I contribute. Do they all think that? That I'm stupid and fat? I hope not. I hate Casey Jones, he is a jerk. I can't believe he said that. I wonder, if I told Raph he said that, would Raph take my side, or his?

What the heck happened to him anyway? Raph always used to protect me, but lately, he's been teasing me more, making fun of me. Hell, he used to always keep me in his sights, he always protected me, but now, he doesn't even like me…..Raph said I was fat. He has no reason to lie. I believe him, I feel fat. I need to lose weight, fast. 10 pounds is a good start…I can lose it.


	3. Chapter 3

2 weeks later:

His family was asking questions about him lately. Cornering him. Asking him if he was alright. Mikey always said he was. He was just wanting to lose some weight. That's all. 10 pounds. Exercise and eating right. But Mikey had gone and got a weight scale, weighing himself each night. He had lost 9 pounds so far. He was proud of himself, but it wasn't enough. He still looked fat. At 15 years old, he still was quite short, the smallest of the four turtles. He hated that his brothers were taller. He compared himself. They were tall and lean, but he was short, stubby. His legs were fat, his arms fat. That's how he saw them. He needed to lose some more weight. That's all. 10 more pounds. More exercise, eat less. That's all.

Sighing he went to the dojo in the middle of the night, exercising, trying to burn more calories. He had started looking at diet books, needed more info. He had to lose weight. He felt fat, and that's all he saw in the mirror. He heard a sound behind him, and he turned, startled.

"Sensei, what are you doing up?" Mikey said, panting a bit.

Splinter walked into the room, concern on his face, "I heard you in here, exercising. My son, what has made you change your ways?"

Mikey cringed inwardly, he didn't want Splinter to say he was fat. "Nothing sensei, I just had to much energy tonight. I can't sleep."

Splinter sighed, "I have noticed you have become more concerned with your food, how much you eat, and you exercise constantly, do you wish to tell me what is troubling you?"

Mikey sighed, a little angry, "Its NOTHING!" he said angrily, turning away.

"MICHELANGELO HAMATO! DO NOT TALK TO ME IN THAT WAY!!" Splinter said.

Mikey flinched, knowing he was in big trouble. But he was dizzy, light headed and had a head ache. His stomach rumbled again and he willed the feeling of hunger to go away. "Look sensei, I want to exercise for a few more hours, then I'll go to bed."

Splinter shook his head, "No my son, I want you to go to bed, now."

Mikey shook his head, refusing. But Splinter said angrily, "GO, go to your room now. Sleep, there will be no training for you until you are well."

Mikey stormed to his room, angry. _Splinter wasn't going to let him exercise!!! That's not fair!!!! Splinter wanted him to be fat, that was it, stupid rat_' and he stopped in shock. _he didn't mean that. Splinter was his father, his sensei, he was concerned, that's all…I didn't mean it…but I'm fat, Splinter wants me to be fat, well, he won't be able to…I'll work harder, that's all, 10 more pounds, that's all._


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Mikey woke up to the smell of eggs and waffles. He felt his stomach rumble for food. He frowned. He had stayed up reading his books. He saw them still on his desk. He jumped up, and hid his books before Raph opened his door. "You up Mike?"

Mikey frowned, "Yeah! Get out," he said, dismissing Raph from his mind. He wished he could ignore them, their words, their teasing, everything. It hurt so much.

"What did you say?" Raph said scowling.

Mikey turned, fingering his journal, he had written in it again last night. He opened it, reading what he wrote, ignoring his brother behind him.

'_I HATE Splinter!!! He is making me fat, he said I can't train or exercise. He thinks I'm sick. I ain't sick!!! I just want to lose weight. Stupid Splinter. Its not fair. He watches me eat, tries to feed me teas to increase my appetite. He thinks he's so smart. I know those teas can make me hungry. But he wouldn't let Splinter feed him, or give him tea anymore. AAAAAAAAA, I need to lose more weight, 10 pounds wasn't enough. I need to lose more. Then I won't be so fat. I hate how I look. I look fat, ugly. More of a freak. How can they even look at me? I hate them. They are all so perfect. Leo is leader, tall, smart, lean. He's friggin perfect. Don is smart, tall too! He's lean and he helps Leo. Raph is tough, and strong. He is smart in his way, and he is second in command. Me, what the hell do I do. Casey was right. All I do is eat and sleep. But that's going to change. I'm going to train more, eat less, lose this weight. I hate how I look, I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. Lots and lots of fat. I'll lose it, 10 more pounds that's all'_

"Hey lamebrain!!! Splinter has breakfast ready, come and eat." Raph said, pushing Mikey hard.

Mikey scowled as he stumbled, "I ain't hungry Raph. Just leave me alone."

Splinter suddenly appeared at the door, his wise eyes looking at his youngest, "My son, I believe Raphael has told you breakfast is on the table. Come and eat."

Mikey opened his mouth to protest but he saw the anger in his fathers eyes. "Fine, sure, let's go eat and get fat." he said angrily, stomping to the kitchen. He didn't see the puzzled looks on Raphael's and Splinter's faces as he walked away.

Sitting at the table, he saw the amount of food and he felt sick. He watched in silence as Splinter filled their plates with the same amount of food. He methodically separated his eggs into one corner, his waffles in another, and his bacon into another corner of the plate. Satisfied with the look of his plate, he refused to look at his family. If he had, he would have seen the confused looks on their faces. Mikey ate small bites, nibbling at the food, his stomach clenching as he ate small morsels of food. After about 6 bites, he was full. More then full, his stomach bulged and he felt even fatter. He wished he could take the food back out. "I'm done, may I be excused Please?" he asked politely.

Splinter frowned, his son barely ate a thing, and he wants to leave? "No my son, I want you to finish your plate of food. Then you are to return to bed. I want you to rest while we are training."

Mikey frowned, '_the whole plate, I can't eat that!! Its too much, see I knew he wanted to make me fat, I can't eat it all.'_ "Sensei, I'm full, I can't eat another bite." he stated.

Splinter felt his anger grow, "You will sit there until everything on your plate is gone. Is that clear my son?"

Mikey flushed with anger, glancing up. He saw his brothers watching in silence. They looked worried. "I won't eat this much. I am full!!"

Splinter stood up, reaching for the plate, he divided it into two, clumping together a portion slightly larger then the other. HE had made a mess of his sons plate, but he was determined. "Then you will eat this portion, then you may leave," pointing to the bigger pile. He sat back down.

Mikey gaped at the site of his food. Slowly, he started separating the food, putting it back into separate piles. When he was done, he slowly started eating. Every time his stomach clenched up, Mikey felt fatter. After an agonizing 40 minutes, he finished his plate. Glaring at Splinter, he asked sarcastically, "NOW can I get up father dearest?"

Splinter spoke with a voice tightly controlled with anger, "You may Michelangelo, put your plate in the sink and go to your room until lunch time."

Mikey stood up, glaring still, he grabbed his plate and cup. Scraping the last of his food into the garbage, he stalked to the sink, and put his plate in there. He growled to himself. Anger at himself. _I did it, I gave in. I ate so much. I can feel it, its making me fat right now. I hate it. I feel so big, so gross. Stupid Master. I hate him, how dare he make me eat!! I hate this, look at me, I'm even fatter now,'_ he said as he looked at the mirror in his room. He stared at himself, feeling extremely fat, and overweight. His stomach clenched up, rolling with food. He gagged. He needed to feel clean. The fat was growing. _'I need to exercise. I can hear them talking quietly to each other, yuck, I think it wants to come back up.._ then an idea came to him. He could eat and then throw it up. That way, his family could see him eating, but he would be just a little. Just enough since he could throw it up. _I need a shower, and while I'm in the shower I can throw up, they won't be able to hear. That's what I'll do. I'll go do it now, since I feel sick._

Mikey grabbed his towel, leaving his room. He walked toward the bathroom, he heard Splinter calling him. "Yes sensei?"

"Where are you going? I told you that you need to rest right now." Splinter said sternly.

Mikey sighed, "I am taking a shower, alright? Is that fine with you?" he said sarcastically.

Splinter frowned, "Alright Michelangelo, but you are to stay in your room and clean it. Then we will have two meditation sessions this afternoon to think about your attitude lately. Understand?"

Mikey nodded, turning and leaving for the bathroom. He needed to shower, he felt so big.

Turning the shower on and putting it on a good temperature, he went to the toilet. Standing there in front of it, he had second thoughts for a brief moment. Then his stomach rolled again. He could practically feel the food turning his body into fat. He whimpered as he sat down in front of the toilet, taking a deep breathe, he stuck his finger in his mouth like he read and gagged. His gag reflex kicked in, and he started coughing, tears building in his eyes. He glared at the toilet, and put his finger in his mouth again, gagging again, but he felt his stomach rebel. He retched long and hard, coughing. His throat hurt and his eyes burned with the effort. Mikey felt a bit better, he could see bits of food in the toilet. He could still feel food in his stomach. He had to get it out.

Putting his finger in his mouth again, he purged all the food in his stomach. He retched again, feeling the food leave his system. He sat up, flushing the toilet. Feeling strangely exhilarated. His head buzzed a bit, and he saw spots in front of his eyes, his eyes hurt from the forced purging. But he did it. Staggering to his feet, he got into the shower, quickly getting himself clean. As he left, he glanced in the mirror. He could see that he was better. He felt strangely empty, happy, he continued to his room and wrote in his journal.

'I DID IT!!! It worked. I can't believe it worked. Yeah, my throat hurts a little, and my eyes burned, but my stomach is empty. EMPTY!!! I gotta do that for now on. I feel good. My stomach is actually empty for a change. I love it. I like this buzz I'm feeling. Stupid Splinter made me eat sooo much. I can't believe it. But now I can lose that weight….maybe I should lose some more weight. I'm 175, and that's a lot. But maybe if I lose like 20 more pounds, then maybe I can be 155. 20 pounds ain't so hard. Look at how fast I lost 9 pounds. But Splinter said I can't train in the dojo till I feel better. Sensei thinks I'm sick. I better start 'feeling better' so I can go out and train again. I can do it. I'm still fat, but I can do it. Yuck, just thinking about the food he made me eat makes me shudder. The bacon, so fatty and greasy. I actually felt the fat attach to my stomach, to my body, my stomach was so big. But now I can fix that. Yeah, I can fix it. 20 pounds, that's all. Master Splinter won't know. I'm good at pretending. After lunch, I'm going to do it again, but I think I'll do it in the sewers somewhere. That was, I don't always have to take a shower. He he, shoot, I gotta go, Splinter said he was going to check on me, so I better go lie down. I'll write more later.'


	5. Chapter 5

Mikey sighed. He felt detached somewhat. He stared at his room. For the first time in a long time, it was clean. He hated it. He liked how his room was messy, but Splinter and his brothers always hated how his room was. It made Mikey mad. But Splinter had ordered him to clean his room, and so he did. It was weird. Before, his room used to scream out Mikey. Now, it just screams out no one. He sighed again, feeling sad. He glanced at the mirror in his room, glaring at it. He hated the mirror but he would not get rid of it.

He laid down on his bed, falling asleep quickly, tired out from his morning. When he woke up later that afternoon, he wondered why he wasn't called to lunch. He sat up, he felt a little light headed but that was alright. He could deal with that. But he did feel better after the nap. Suddenly Splinter walked into the room, "Hello my son, I see you are awake now. Are you feeling better?"

Mikey sighed, he was fine before. But he might as well play the sick card, after all, he needed an excuse. "Yes sensei, my headache is gone, and I'm feeling much better."

Splinter smiled, "I am glad. I was concerned about you my son. You seem different lately and I do not know why. Can you tell me what is bothering you?"

Mikey shook his head, "No…not really, I don't know how to explain it."

Splinter sat down on a nearby chair, looking at his newly cleaned room. "Try Michelangelo. How can I begin to help you if you do not talk to me."

Mikey thought about what to say. He hated lying before but he had to now. They couldn't know. They would stop him. The headache! I could tell him about the headache. Elaborate. "I…I keep getting these headaches…they won't stop…its always there. And I have nightmares…I never remember them when I wake up sensei, they scare me, and I can't sleep. The headaches hurt too…I just didn't want to seem like a wimp to you guys."

"Michelangelo, having nightmares and being in constant pain explains your behaviour as of late. I wish you have told me earlier what was going on. I would have been able to help you." Splinter said sadly, "Never feel that you have to hold things from us. We are your family, we love you. Now, I am going to make you a tea, it will keep the nightmares and headache away for today…do you feel well enough to eat?"

Mikey's stomach clenched at the thought of food, he shook his head, "No sensei, my stomach feels queasy…I ate too much this morning."

Splinter nodded, "I will be back my son. You may not eat lunch, but later when you wake up, I want you to eat something for supper."

Mikey nodded and laid down. He turned to face the wall, smiling in glee. 'It worked! I can't believe it worked! Now he has no reason to question how much he eats and everything.' Mikey heard Splinter enter his room again, and he sat back up, remaining quiet. He drank the tea that Splinter gave, feeling the herbs start making his head stop hurting, and his stomach less queasy.

"Thank you Sensei," Mikey said politly and laid back down. Splinter nodded, and left the room.

Mikey got up from his bed, and silently walked over to his desk, he pulled out his books about losing weight. He loved the fact that he had found a whole bunch of books on weight loss. He started exercising in his room, running to his bed if he heard someone near his door. He ate small meals for the next couple of days, taking a shower after the biggest meals and throwing it up. He checked his weight a week later and learned he lost another 7 pounds. He was happy. 'So far almost 15 pounds he lost. He looked in his mirror after he had his breakfast, seeing that he hadn't lost any weight. He frowned. It didn't look like he lost any weight.' "What's going on? I'm eating less, exercising more, why am I not looking ay skinnier?" Mikey said to himself. He was getting frustrated.

At night, he training intensified. He started doing jump rope, shadow boxing and running in place in his room. For hours he worked at it. He realized he was growing obsessive.

One day, he woke up feeling tired and dizzy. He groaned. Last night he trained for 3 hours straight before falling asleep. But he loved the fact he was burning energy. As he put on his pads, he realized that he had to tighten them. Usually he could just slip them on, but now, he had to tighten them. He smiled. 'Yes, it must be working. Splinter is letting me start training again. I get to go to practice today. Finally, after a week of drinking that damn tea and eating that food, he could finally train again…its about time…I hope there isn't a big breakfast.' he thought to himself as he adjusted his kneepads and elbow pads. HE tied on his belt, realizing that it was tied tighter now. He thought that he had lost weight. He went to look in the mirror. He saw the fat still on his body. Sighing, 'well, just a little more. I look so big. Look at my shell, it's huge, I look so big' He turned and walked to the kitchen

He didn't notice their looks as he walked by, grabbing a grapefruit form the fridge and cutting it up. He refused to look at them.

"Mikey, is that all your going to eat?" Don asked quietly. He was concerned about his little brother. He had been sick and lost a lot of weight. His weight loss was concerning him, and his increasing lack of appetite was concerning him even more. His brothers talked about it at night, asking what was wrong. Splinter was at a loss. He didn't understand what was going on with his youngest son.

Mikey nodded, "Yeah, I wish we had some other fruit thought. A grapefruit whole is 100 calories."

"Calories? Why are you worried about calories??" Leo asked surprised, eating his toast and oatmeal. It had sliced apples in it with brown sugar. Mikey glanced at his bowl and plate, frowning, mentally totalling how much was in Leo's breakfast.

"Your breakfast alone has 428 calories. Its full of sugars." Mikey stated, shuddering at eating that.

"What's wrong with having a filling breakfast?" Leo asked, a little insulted.

"Nothing Leo, it's just that I want to eat healthier. So I don't want to eat that." Mikey said, eating his grapefruit. His brothers remained silent. Raph was angry, he hated that Mikey was so skinny. "Mikey, what the hell are you doing to yourself? You don't need to eat healthier. What, you think your better than us?"

Mikey sighed, scraping the skin of his grapefruit into the garbage, "No, I already know your better than me." he said quietly as he headed to the dojo.


	6. Chapter 6

Mikey arrived in the dojo, feeling the grapefruit churn in his stomach. He sighed. He was going to allow it for now, but after practice, he was going to find a way to get rid of it. He started warming up, going slowly, trying to ignore the buzzing in his head. He could feel his mind clearing a bit as he continued to warm up.

He sighed, feeling like there was lead in his stomach. But he had to be careful. He didn't want to have them figure it out. He started his warm up, doing easy flips. But after the third one, he grew extremely dizzy and he felt sick. He stopped, waiting for it to pass. When he finally shook it off, he started again, but he grew dizzy. Sighing, he decided to just wait for his family to show.

He started punching the bags, striking hard and fast, trying to get some frustrations out. Every time he struck the bag, he heard those words run in his head, 'fat, chunky, heavy' and it made him angry. 'IT's not fair!!! Why are they allowed to say things like that? Don't they know that words hurt?' he thought as he did a spinning kick on the punching bag. He gasped, feeling his emotions build up, he had to calm down. He couldn't get too tired before practice. HE started doing some easy punches, taking it lightly until he heard his family enter the dojo.

Splinter ordered them to start their regular practice, intensifying it after every set, by the end of it, he was panting and trying to will away another dizzy spell. He groaned, he was paired with Leonardo today. He looked pissed.

"Com'n Leo, your fighting a green fighting machine," Mikey taunted.

Leo growled angrily, attacking swiftly. Mikey blocked several times, attacking every 4 to Leo's 2 attack. Leo started doing a low spinning kick where Mikey flipped in the air…..

…………But he felt himself losing the battle of dizziness, and his eyes were closing before he knew it, his worlds turned and he fell heavily to the ground.

"Mikey!!" Leo cried out in fear, scared he had hurt his brother. Splinter called out, "Halt!" to the others as he ran over to Mikey's unconscious form.

"Leonardo, what happened?" Splinter asked worriedly as he checked Mikey's vitals. Raph and Don ran over to help. Don sat down beside Splinter, checking Mikey's pulse. It was beating really fast, that wasn't normal for them. He then looked in Mikey's eyes, his mouth, everything. He could not find much wrong except for a red throat and a rapid heartbeat. Mikey was flushed, sweating. "I think he is sick Master Splinter, his temperature is elevated, his heartbeat is extremely fast, we have to slow it down. His throat is raw and red." Don said, "Raph, run to my lap, grab the Aspirin and crush it up and mix with a little water. Hurry."

Raph ran out of the room.

"Aspirin my son?" Splinter asked confused.

Don nodded, "Yes, we need to slow his heart down before it works too fast. If that happens, it causes a heart attack. Aspirin controls his blood pressure and thins his blood so it works faster to get to his heart. he'll be fine. It's just that while unconscious, his heart beat should have slowed down, its still at the same rapid pace, hence the need for the Aspirin."

Splinter nodded, "What can I do to help Michelangelo?"

Don smiled, "We need a cool cloth and water nearby. Maybe some juice. When he wakes up. I don't know what's wrong with him. He's been sick for almost 2 months now sensei. He's losing too much weight."

Leo wondered about Mikey's weight loss. His little brother was working hard to lose weight since that run where he sprained his ankle. Mikey thought no one noticed but he was watching. He knew Don was too. But then Mikey's headaches started and his night terrors. Master Splinter had told them what was wrong with Mikey last month. But lately, he seemed better. He was eating, albeit weirdly, but he was eating, and he was healthy.

He didn't understand what was going on. He heard Don call his name, "Can you carry him to his room?" he heard. Leo nodded, "Sure Don," and went to pick Mikey up. He was surprised on hos light Mikey felt. He remembered helping Mikey hop around with his injured ankle and he weighed more than this. "He's light sensei." he mentioned.

Splinter nodded, "His illness is preventing him from eating much, so he has lost a lot of weight. I hope we find the answer to this illness he seems to be harbouring. Once Donatello figures out what is wrong with Michelangelo, I hope to see him back to his former self."

Leo nodded. Raph had returned with a small Dixie cup with crushed up Aspirin and little water. Don pried open Mikey's mouth to pour it in and smiled when he saw the disgusted look on Mikey's semi conscious face.

Leo put Mikey on his bed and covered him up. Mikey moaned. Don was there immediately, Raph had given him a cup of apple juice for Mikey.

"Hey Mikey, can you hear me?" Don asked quietly.

Mikey opened his eyes blearily, "What happened dude? I feel awful." he said, then gave a frown when he tasted something awful on his tongue. He felt his stomach turn and felt sick, "What's that on my tongue, its gross, ughhh, I feel like I'm going to hurl," he said shakily getting up.

"Here, drink some of this, it'll help you feel better." Don said, shoving a straw in Mikey's mouth. Mikey automatically started drinking, but gasped when he tasted the apple juice. He didn't want juice. It was full of sugar and junk. He swallowed a little but shook his head to more. "Com'n Mikey, just a little more, okay?" Don said trying to coax Mikey into drinking some more.

Mikey shook his head, he could see their concern but he was determined not to drink anymore. "No Don, if I drink anymore, I will hurl!" he said weakly. He laid back down, wondering why he felt tired again. He shivered. He was cold.

Don noticed his shivering, "Are you cold Mikey? How long have you felt cold?"

Mikey shook his head, "About a week or two now…its not a big deal Don, we live in a sewer. I'm tired, gonna sleep." he said yawning, grabbing his blanket and turning on his side and covering himself.

Don frowned, 'Mikey shouldn't be feeling cold, he was flushed earlier and sweating. Now he's tired and his stomach is queasy. Something is going on….but what?' he thought as Splinter took his place. "Go and do what you want for the afternoon my sons. Afternoon practice is cancelled. Raphael, you are on lunch duty today."

Raph nodded, still worried about his little bro. Leo and Don followed him out of the room.

Mikey laid there pretending he was sleeping, thinking, 'they are going to find out that I'm fat, that I'm worthless, I'm no use to them, they can't stop me, I will get skinny, or die trying…'

* * *

**OKAY FANS!!!! ANYONE WANT MORE, REVIEW ME, HAHAHA, **

**OH, AND IF ANYONE WANTS ME TO TURN IT UP, I WILL**

**PS, I HEARD FROM MANY FANS THAT THEY HAVE STRUGGLED WITH ANOREXIA OR BULIMIA WITH THEMSELVES OR WITH FAMILY MEMBERS, I WOULD LIKE TO GET SOME FEEDBACK. I KNOW MOSTLY FROM Mikey's VIEW, BUT NOT FAMILES. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF ANYONE IS WILLING TO HELP ME WITH SOME OPINIONS ON HOW FAMILES REACT OR SIBLINGS AND FRIENDS. **

**IF ANYONE IS WILLING, Please LET ME KNOW**

**PPS DISCLAMIMER I GUESS.**

**ALL THE THINGS IN MIKE'S JOURNAL ARE MOSTLY SOMETHING I HAVE WRITTEN WHILE GOING THRU THIS, I CHANGED IT SO IT CAME FROM MIKE'S VIEW. AND HAD THE STORY LINE IN IT. BUT THE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS OF BEING LIKE THAT ARE FROM ME. **

**THANKIES FANS, SO REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW YOU WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

Don sat at his computer, thinking of Mikey's illness. Splinter said Mikey suffered from headaches and nightmares. But it had to be more than that. Why is he separating his food? Why is he concerned about his calories? I've heard about this, but I don't know what it is called. I know it happens to girls…but boys wouldn't, right??

He jumped up, hearing a terrified scream from Mikey's room…..

Mikey was cold, and shaking slightly. Master Splinter was trying to get him to drink some juice but Mikey was adamant about not eating anything. Splinter left, told Leo and Raph to watch him, and hurried to the kitchen.

Leo was asking Mikey, "So, you've lost weight Mikey, how do you feel about that?"

Raph was surprised to see a smile on Mikey's face, "Don't you like it?" Mikey asked seemingly pleased.

Raph shook his head, "No, we don't like it Mikey, what's the hell is going on with you?"

Mikey frowned, sitting up. That's when the started seeing just how skinny Mikey was. Between the plastron, they could see the outlines of bones. They glanced closely at Mikey's arms and legs, shocking themselves when they realized how skinny they were. "Mikey, don't you see how much weight you lost!!"

Mikey glared, "What of it? I'm better now, and I didn't lose that much weight! I just lost some, but now I'm better, healthier, faster…" Mikey said, his skin tone slowly turning a very light green. Leo was confused, and reached out toward Mikey, but froze when he saw Mikey's body start convulsing on the bed.

"DOOOONNNNIIIEEE!!" Raphael cried out in fear, backing up, scared of Mikey's body twitching and convulsing. Leo grabbed Raph's hands, trying to calm down his terrified brother.

Don ran asked, crying out, "What happened?"

Leo replied, "I don't know, he was talking with us, and then he turned pale…then he started seizing!! I don't know what happened?"

Don stood nearby, making sure Mikey wouldn't fall out of his bed. When the seizure stopped, Mikey was unconscious. Don sat there, checking his vitals, his heart rate. He also looked more closely at Mikey's body, seeing the dramatic changes. He frowned. He was coming to a very disturbing conclusion and didn't know what to make of it. He never heard of it in boys, but it was real.

"He's going to be okay now. He's exhausted. Let him sleep. Grab a water bottle and leave it nearby. Get him to sip some water." Don said, a frown on his face. He had to go and see about more symptoms.

Leo and Raph nodded, concerned about there little brother. They sat there, silently. Suddenly, Don ran in the room, "Do you know where Mike keeps his journal?"

They shook their heads, "No, why do you need it?"

Don shrugged, looking around for it, but not finding it. "I need to see about some things….but I'm going to have to wait until Mikey's awake…" and he turned from the room. He went to phone April and Casey about Mikey getting sick and if they can bring some light food and medicine down. They quickly agreed.

Splinter made some chicken soup for Michelangelo when he woke up.

Later, when Mikey woke up, he realised they were getting suspicious. He had to eat to quell the questions… '_I can't let them know, they would make me stop…when I eat…I'll keep it down…I read about this…I can exercise to lose the weight….at night time…and when they stop watching, I can purge…I hate them….I really do…its not fair…I don't know why I passed out…but I'm so much better now….I lost some weight…that's all…shoot…master Splinter made Chicken soup…look at how much he gave me…this has so much calories, and salt…and stop thinking and eat…pretend you like it…do this for a few days until they stop thinking….that's all…' _Mikey thought as he slowly started to eat the soup. His family smiled as he finished the bowl. It churned in his shrunken stomach, wanting to get out, but Mikey laid down, trying to quell his stomachs' complaining. He wanted to throw it up so badly. He slept.

Over the next few days, his family made him eat, slowly increasing the amount of food he eats, making him feel fatter than ever. His stomach bulged but he said nothing. He wanted to go and exercise, but they watched him closely, never leaving him alone.

After 2 steady weeks of eating, he felt horrible and depressed. They finally stopped watching him. But he was angry and pissed. He was so big now, gained weight that he never wanted to gain. It made him feel heavy. And he felt worse about himself.

That night, after dinner, he told his family that he was going to take a shower. And during that shower, he threw up everything he ate that night. Feeling right for the first time, he continued his shower, feeling content. Afterwards, he went to his room. He sat on his bed, staring at the wall, lost in thought. Suddenly, Don came into the room hesitantly.

"Knocking Don…you got to work on your knocking…" Mikey said a little angry. None of his family liked knocking save Master Splinter. HE hated it, it was like they were trying to catch him doing something.

"Hey Mikey, can I talk to you?" Don said, several pieces of paper in his hands. He had researched what Mikey symptoms were, but since he woke up, he was eating, looking healthier. He didn't understand it, he thought he was right. But they watched him for two weeks, and nothing.

"Sure don, what's up?" Mike said wearily.

"How are you feeling?" Don asked.

"I'm still a little tired, but I'm feeling better. I'm keeping my food down for the first time in a long time, and I feel more relaxed." Mikey said easily. He had practiced what to say for weeks now, just in case.

"Why didn't you tell us you weren't feeling good?" Don asked curiously.

Mikey glanced away, "Because, I keep getting sick….and I think you guys think I'm making it up…and I'm not….and I decided that you all didn't listen, so why bother you…its not like I really matter anyway." he gasped slightly, he let that out by accident, he didn't mean to say it. He heard Donnie gasp, and was puzzled when he heard a small, 'oh," like he figured something out.

"Mikey, are you depressed?" Don asked, finally understanding that this might be what Mikey was feeling bad about.

Mikey shrugged, not answering. He turned away. "Mike, you know we love you, right?"

Mikey turned his head, not answering. Don was stricken, 'Mikey didn't think that his family loved him!! What did they do? Why? Why does he think this?'

"Mikey, we love you, we do," Don said, walking to him, reaching out and putting his hand on Mikey's arm. Mikey shrugged it off. Don was upset, "Please Mikey, tell me that you know we love you.!!"

Mikey sighed, thinking, '_well, I know they don't love me, look at what they are doing. They made me fat, call me down, tease me, they don't realize that when they act like that, it hurts, it hurts so much, they don't even believe me when I tell them things, when I act funny, I get hit, when I say something intelligent they laugh and don't take me seriously, when Raph called me fat, they didn't say a word, instead they made fun of me, what can I think? I don't think they love me, honestly, how can they love me, I'm so fat, so ugly, so useless_.' Mikey sighed again, seeing Donnie's stricken face and spoke hollowly, "Okay Don, yes, I think you love me," he said so emotionless, Don knew that he didn't mean what he spoke.

"I got…I gotta talk to Master Splinter and the others, I'll be back in a bit Mikey." Don said, getting up, obviously upset.

Mikey laid down on his bed, exhausted and chilly, he huddled under his blanket, glad that there was no more food in his stomach.

_

* * *

_

It's getting so hard. Don was just here, he wanted to talk to me…he says that I'm depressed, that I should know that my family loves me. I was so angry and upset, how dare they think that, Why would I know they love me??

By how they act, I'm ignored or made fun of, What is there of me to love. I thought of what Casey said months ago and it still runs in my head. How do I contribute to this family? Really?

I eat, check,

I fight, check,

I protect, check,

I make jokes, check,

I help them smile, check,

but they can all do that without me. I know they can. I don't help with strategy mostly because that's there department, when I did tell them something, they laughed at me, when I appear smart, or have actually good ideas, they are surprised. Casey's right, I know he is. Look at me, I'm still fat, but they still make fun of me, still don't take me seriously. What more can I do?

I'm getting tired a lot lately, and my throat still burns a little from throwing up, but its all good. I missed it so much, for the first time in a long time, I feel so much better, feel normal. I can't wait to do it again. They can't stop me, I have to get skinny, so far, I lost 52 pounds, and I'm going to lose more, I'm still fat, but the more skinnier I get, the better I'll be. I won't be fat, I wont be useless, if I'm still so fat, maybe they would let me back on the team, back as a ninja, maybe a brother….

I'll lose it, it would be nice to be part of the family again, and not so useless, I want to be part of their family again….and I can't do that if I don't lose weight, I can do it….I'm not useless, I'm not brainless, despite what my bro's and Casey think. I've lost the weight, need to lose more….I'm not useless, I'm so tired of not being part of a team, hell Casey is more team then I am. He's right, I am useless, I need to get my head out of the clouds like he said, I'll get better, the more weight I lose, the more they'll love me.


	8. Chapter 8

Don left Mikey's room, upset and worried. "Guys, we got to talk!!" he said, running into the dojo where a practice was being held. Everyone froze, "What's wrong? Did something happen to Mikey?" Leo asked worriedly as he put his Katanas away.

Raph stopped and put his Sai's in his belt, "What's going on?"

Don waved them to sit down and he followed right away, Splinter sitting nearby interested. "I just went to talk to Mikey, I needed to find out some things. I got some answers. Physically he's better. But he was talking to me, and he said some things…" Don paused, not sure what to say.

"WHAT did he say already?" Raph said impatiently.

Don took a deep breathe, looking up, "He said he thought he didn't matter, that we don't love him…guys, he believes that!! He believes that we don't love him!"

Raph was surprised and shocked, "What??"

"Why would he think that?" Leo asked worried and curious.

Don shook his head, "I don't know, from what I gathered about his moods lately, he's depressed."

Master Splinter spoke, "We need to take this matter seriously. We must talk to Michelangelo, ask him where he got such an idea that we do not love him. We must proceed with caution, We will wait until he is better psychically, so we do not have any complications."

Don nodded, "I think that's a good idea. We'll figure out a way to start showing him we care."

They nodded, lost in their thoughts.

* * *

Three weeks pass:

Mikey was wavering at the sink. He was trying his best to hide it, he needed to go for a walk in the sewers, lose the food he had in his stomach. He had continued to lose weight obsessively. Losing almost 70 pounds of his weight since he began, he grew weak, shaky, and cold all the time. His family notice but pinned it to him being depressed. They had tried talking to him, show him that they loved him, but that blew up in their faces when Mikey blew up at them 2 weeks ago. He hated that they were always around constantly. Never leaving him alone. He resented them and grew angry all the time. When they mentioned his food, he snapped at them and ate, running to the bathroom afterwards or taking a walk in the sewers after he ate. Once, Don started to follow him, wondering why Mikey always left the lair. But Mikey was so angry, he refused to speak for days afterwards until they promised to give him some space. He even stopped eating. It scared them.

Don had called April to come and visit that evening and April gladly accepted. She said her and Casey would be coming later on after supper. Mikey was apprehensive. He had refused to see April and Casey since that night at April's, when Casey called him down. Mikey left the lair, a little pale but he hid it, he didn't know when another pair of eyes were watching and following him as he left the lair.

Leo followed behind, watching. He was concerned with his little brother. He had lost so much weight, it was outrageous. He ate, but he still was losing weight. They didn't understand it. Don said he tried to follow Mikey one day but Mikey had found out. And yelled at Don. So today, Leo followed him, concerned.

'_What is he doing out here? April is coming soon, so is Casey, does he not want to see them? Why is he stopping??_' Leo thought as he watched in silence. Then gave out a small gasp as he watched his little brother put a finger in his mouth and start throwing up. _**He was making himself throw up!! OH MY GOD!! **I got to talk to Don!!_ And Leo turned and ran back to the lair. He didn't understand.

"DON, DON!" Leo yelled out, not even noticing April and Casey on the couch.

Don ran out from his lab, looking exhausted. "What? What's wrong?"

Leo stopped beside him, panting from running, "Mikey, I saw Mikey, he was in the sewers, and he-he, I don't know what he was doing, but it's bad Don, its' really bad…" Leo said distressed.

Don waved his hand, "Calm down, come, sit down, and talk slowly, Master Splinter, Raph, come into the kitchen, you too April, Case. Okay Leo, what did you see?"

Leo took a deep breathe, "I saw Mike, I was following him, he didn't know I was there! I saw him put his finger in his mouth, and made himself throw up! He threw up everything he just ate!!"

Don gasped, "I am so stupid!! That's what he is doing!!" he muttered to himself, running to his lab and returning, "I thought this before, but he was eating, everything, and he looked healthier. So I dismissed it."

Raph interrupted, "So what's wrong with him?"

Don lifted up a piece of paper, "I think he's anorexic and bulimic. It fits all the signs…not eating, counting calories, separating his food, growing obsessed about how much he weighs, now, throwing up is something bulimics do. This is dangerous! We got to intervene."

April sighed, "Guys, are you sure he's not just doing this for attention? He's a joker, he loves attention. How bad can he be??"

Casey piped up, "Yeah! Its not like he really helps you guys anyway! All he does is eat and fuck around. Besides, I'm sure you are all blowing this out of proportion. He's not anorexic or bulimic. He's just doing this for your attention, besides, he could lose some weight anyway. Besides, think of the money you'll save if he stops eating, he eats a ton a month." Casey said ignorantly and rudely. He didn't really care about the orange coloured turtle, he was too happy all the time and Casey hated him for it. He wished something would happen to the littlest turtle, wishing he had done something about it a long time ago.

The three turtles turned and stared at them confused and angry. Master Splinter was glaring and they flinched, "You do not know how much Michelangelo has lost. He is coming now, look at him and tell us again that he is doing this for attention."

Casey turned, smiling as he saw Mikey's shadow coming into the lair. He gasped in shock at seeing the near skeleton figure standing there. "Holy Shit!" he said.

"Oh Great, just who I wanted to see, the Great and illustrated Casey Jones and his bitch, April." Mikey snarled, pissed off. They were staring at him and he hated staring. He hated anyone looking at him, at his body. "You can stop staring now! I'm quite sick of it, I already know I look fat, so fuck off." and he turned and stomped from the room, "And by the way, I heard you Casey Jones and April O'Neill, I **_love the fucking attention!!_" and slammed his room shut. **

"What happened to him? April asked confused and upset. Seeing Mikey look like a skeleton shocked her.

Leo spat out, "He's losing weight, somehow, he got it into his mind that he's fat and ugly, and he started losing weight. Now he's that."

Casey asked, "So, you guys just let him be like that? Fuck guys, your going to lose him, how much weight has he lost? Geez, he's useless, look at him. He craves attention, and see, this is what you get. Fuck, I know he's brainless, but to do this? Oh well...look at it this way, at least he's doing something good for a change, your better off without him..."

Raph snapped, "HE'S NOT BRAINLESS, STOP SAYING THAT, FUCK CASE, HE'S MY LITTLE BROTHA! AND YOU SAY THESE STUFF, GET OUT, GET THE FUCK OUT, AND TAKE THAT REDHEAD WITH YOU, WE'LL DEAL WITH THIS OURSELVES."

Casey and April were shocked, and even April flinched at Raph's anger. She had never had it directed at her. So she didn't know what to think. "You need our help? How are you going to cure Mikey? Get the supplies you need?"

Casey smirked, "Yeah guys, your doing a fine job on your own. I'm glad Mikey's losing all that weight, he needed too! He was too fat, too ugly, I'll admit, it shocked me, but you know what, he's an idiot. He's lazy, stupid and a pain in the ass!"

Raph was about to speak but Leo snarled, "What did you think we did before we met you? You think we can't get our hands on supplies? We did it before, we can do it again, leave the lair right now until you apologize for your words today. You hurt our brother, and you insulted us, get out, and don't come back until you learn your mistake."

Raph and Don were shocked by the anger in Leo's voice, his body was trembling, and his eyes showed a rage there they rarely saw.

They turned and left.

Raph was fuming, angry, '_How can Mikey do that to himself? How? I don't understand, he's not fat, he never was, what the hell is happening. They are losing Mikey. He hardly talks unless he's angry, he's barely eats and when he does, he leaves the lair or goes to the bathroom_.' Raph went to his punching bag, his anger growing more in intensity when he realized that his brother was actually starving himself. For 10 minutes he pummelled his punching bag, trying to control his rising anger.

Don was feeling guilty, '_he saw the signs, he saw them, he suspected them 2 months ago, was about to confront him but after his seizure, those symptoms disappeared. Vanished, so he had nothing to go on anymore. But Leo saw him, that explains the red throats. Why didn't I see this before? How can I cure it? I got to find out how to cure it._'

Leo didn't know what to think, '_How can Mikey think he's fat? Why is he so angry? I don't understand? He's so fast, he used to be hyper, used to laugh and smile…but now he says barely 10 words at a time or when he is angry, he screams. What did we do? Did we actually say something to make him think that? We must have, because he wouldn't be doing this if he didn't believe it…How can we help him get better?_'

Splinter tried to meditate, but he was failing. His concern about his youngest growing in intensity. '_My son, why do you think you are fat. You are still growing. You are not overweight. You used to smile and laugh, and be so free, what has happened to my youngest son to make him lose his shine??'_


	9. Chapter 9

Mikey laid in bed, content on closing his eyes and trying to fall asleep, but his mind was buzzing with what he heard April and Casey say about him. '_His heart hurt from pain, he thought they were his friends. He thought that they liked him, knew him better, after all, he was doing this for them. What more could he do? I'm getting so tired lately, so tired of keeping this up…I wish I could feel good about myself, feel like I've accomplished something, but it isn't working…no one knows…right…'_ suddenly his door was pushed open, no knocking.

That made him angry, he knocked when entering his brothers room, or sensei's. He gave them that respect but this just proves that they have no respect for him. Won't even give the courtesy of knocking on his door. He turned on his bed, glaring at them. 

"Mikey, we need to talk-" Leo started out but Mikey held up his hand to cut him off.

"Unless you leave this room and do the polite thing and knock first, then I'm not listening to a damn thing you say," Mikey said angrily. _He hated when they didn't knock, they just thought that it was okay,_ "We talked about the knocking thing, I told all of you, and you still do it. So get the fuck out and try again." Mikey said angrily. He hated when they didn't respect his room.

"Mikey, jeez, we just want to talk to you!!!" Raph said slightly pissed off. He was more than angry at his little brother. He hated that Mikey was starving himself, hated that Mikey thought he needed to do it.

Mikey stood up, despite being dizzy and weak, his eyes blazed with anger, "This is my room and I have rules. You all have my respect for your rooms and your privacy, and I do listen and knock first before entering your rooms. So what makes me different? Get out and try again, but don't think I'm going to let you back in."

Splinter spoke, his voice full of anger, "Michelangelo, stop this now. We are here to talk to you. I apologize that we did not knock first. It was disrespectful of us, but we are here to talk about more important matters. Sit down and listen."

Mikey sat down, he was getting dizzy and his body was shaking from more than anger. "What?" he said angrily.

Don was about to speak but Leo spoke first. "I…I followed you after we ate Mikey….I saw you make yourself throw up."

Mikey was silent. His face showed a growing panic, and his eyes shifted to each of them.

Don spoke softly, "We know you have been starving yourself Mikey, and that your bulimic….and it needs to stop…your killing yourself."

Mikey continued to remain silent, not knowing what to say. He watched as Raph jumped up, anger in his eyes, as he yelled, "WHAT THE HELL IS MAKING YOU STARVE YOURSELF!!!??? GOD DAMMIT MIKE, DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING STUPID. FUCK, YOU ARE GOING TO STOP AND YOU ARE GOING TO START EATING IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!!!" he said yelling, his fear of Mikey dying consuming him.

Still Mikey remained silent. Waiting for them all to speak. His eyes strayed to Leo's face.

Leo saw Mikey look at him, and he asked, "What started it Mikey? What made you start starving yourself? You are not fat, your thin, so thin its' scary. Please Mikey, we want to help you."

Eyes turned to Splinter.

"I do not understand what is going on in your mind my son. This path you are on is scaring me, as it is your brothers. We will help you heal, and help you gain back the weight you lost---" but Splinter cut off in surprise, Mikey reacted.

"Do you think I want to stop? I don't. For the first time in a long time, things are going right. I'm losing the weight I need to. As far as I'm concerned, I ain't stopping, and if you try, and I mean it, you try to make me eat, I will work 20 times harder to get it off. I will not be fat again." Mikey said in a deadly calm voice, "What you say does not matter to me anymore…I stopped caring now, I'm getting so tired of wanting more and more, but getting nothing. I don't see why you care anyway, its not like I'm worth anything to you, after all, I'm nothing but a fucking liability, a eating machine, and all I do is fuck up. Get the fuck out, I want to be alone."

The three brothers were shocked but what Mikey said, their father angry and disappointed. "How can you mean that Mikey? We're brotha's!" Raph said hurt.

Mikey felt his anger grow but something stopped him. His eyes closed as he lost control of his body, his last conscious thought was, '_see, there I go again, I'm useless_…'

* * *

Leo and Raph screamed out "Mikey!!" as they watched his body suddenly seize up and his eyes fall shut. They jumped forward just as Splinter and Don ran forward as well. Their hearts beat with fear as they watched Mikey seizing in Splinter's arms. But he was thrashing so violently, Splinter had to step back.

Suddenly, Don's voice cut thru their fear, "Guys, stop. We need to clear a place around Mikey, nothing around, Raph, grab your pillows, we needs lots, Master, I need you to try to stop his head from hitting the ground so hard, he already slashed it open."

Everyone moved into position as Don checked Mikey's pulse rate and tried to stop Mikey's thrashing long enough to move to a clear area that Leonardo quickly made. Raph returned with pillows. Everyone knew he had a thing about pillows, collecting them. He quickly helped Don place them around Mikey and under Mikey's head as the seizure continued.

Don panted, hoping the seizure would stop soon, "stop stop stop," he muttered quietly to himself and breathed a sigh of relief when Mikey's thrashing stilled. "Okay, keep calm." Don ordered, a little scared, that seizure seemed like it lasted forever.

"What happened Don?" Leo asked, his eyes wide with fear.

Don sighed, frustrated, "He had a seizure! I don't know why, there could be many factors on why he had a seizure, I just don't know."

"Donatello, his head is injured, we should bandaged it." Splinter said quietly.

Don nodded, his hands shaking as he thought about what had just happened. He thought that Mikey wasn't showing symptoms of severe anorexia or bulimia, but seizures are a huge sign. They need to help Mikey fast.

Splinter helped Donatello bandage him and Don ordered, "We need to bring him to the infirmary. I need to write everything down and start an iv on him."


	10. Chapter 10

Mikey moaned as he felt his body lift from the ground and he was carried in someone's arms to Don's Lab. **_He knew he was in the infirmary/lab. He could smell the difference. He wondered why he was there. His body felt sore and stiff, like he had exercised for 4 hours. He moaned again, his head hurt a lot. He felt a slight pain in his hand and wondered vaguely what it was. Everything was a blur, he could hear talking, his body being moved, words that were yelling and he wondered what happened._**

He moaned again, flinching when he felt a pinch on his hand. He opened his eyes weakly, seeing a purple banded turtle in front of him, he heard his soft voice calling him. **_He was still angry. He remembered what they said earlier. How they wanted him to eat, how angry they were. That they wanted to know why. He would never tell them that they had a hand in it, they started the seed of doubt. Everything just came together. It wasn't like he was doing anything wrong._** He opened his eyes again, his vision got blurry again and he felt his frustration build.

"Mikey?" he heard Don say quietly.

Mike sighed, then opened his eyes and looked at his brother, "What happened Don?"

Don smiled a little, seeing that Mikey was awake, he waved to his brothers and father standing nearby, "You had a seizure Mikey, that's why your in the infirmary."

Mikey groaned, 'Damn, another one, damn, no wonder I'm so tired….well, at least I didn't hurt myself to badly, just a busted head,' Mikey thought as he evaluated what hurt. His whole body ached and he felt tired, but it was his head that hurt the most. He sighed, wondering what to do next. He lifted his hand, feeling something attached to it and he froze and tensed up.

"What the hell is this for?" Mikey said quietly, fear obvious in his voice.

Don looked stricken, "It's an I.V Mikey, its because you need some fluids in you. Your electrolytes and water intake needs to be higher. Its so low. You need some help taking fluids."

Mikey was going into what he used to call 'Raph Rage'. It was when Raph would get into a such anger that he was scary. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING??? GET THIS OUT OF ME???" he yelled, sitting up and ripping the I.V. out brutally. Blood fell from his hand and the needle had ripped out of the vein. Don had stepped back in sudden fear but when the I.V. was torn out, he stepped forward to stop Mikey.

"WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO DO THIS? I'M IN CHARGE OF MY FUCKING BODY, NOT YOU, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Mikey screamed as Don pushed him to the bed, holding him down. Mikey struggled to break away, his anger overriding his fear right now. Splinter, Leo and Raph joined Don in helping restrain Mikey.

Together, they ended up strapping Mikey to the bed, the leather straps tied tightly to Mikey's wrists as he continued to struggle. Don was scared his heart rate would keep increasing, and saw his blood pressure was rising as well. They needed to calm him down, but they had no clue how to do that. They watched in silence as Mikey continued to yell and shriek and fight against the straps holding him to the bed.

Tears ran down Don's face while Leo and Raph seemed angry. They felt useless. They didn't know what to do. Splinter came into the room with some tea, he sat beside Michelangelo, watching him as he cried and yelled, ignoring the words.

When Mikey finally started to calm down, he laid there, listless and lifeless to them. He stared at the ceiling, eyes wide open, showing nothing.

Splinter spoke, "My son, it pains me to see you going through such hardships, that you feel the need to keep everything inside. We wish to help you. What you are doing to your body is not healthy, and is making you ill. Please my son, hear me, this needs to stop."

Mikey sighed, his heart felt like it was dying as he spoke in a lifeless voice, "Sensei, I just want to die, alright, just let me die."

SILENCE


	11. Chapter 11

They remained in the room, Mikey didn't move as Don put the I.V. back in his arm. He didn't talk or try to escape. They didn't understand it. They decided to take watches.

Splinter was first

Splinter's POV

'**_My son, my youngest, he is in so much pain now. I do not understand where this pain came from. This obsession of his. He is suffering greatly, his spirit more than wounded. I wish he would talk to me, but he will not speak, or drink, or eat. He lays there, silent like he is already dead, and that scares me. He used to be so free, so happy_**.'

Splinter thought as he watched his youngest sleep on the bed. **_They had to give him fluids with an I.V. and I have given him teas to help his body heal. To help his body adjust to wanting food. But he has not reacted. How do help him. He is suffering so much, but we cannot reach him. He is so angry, and so sad, it breaks my heart to see such sunshine dampened by clouds. I hope we can help him recover, help him heal._**

Splinter sat there, meditating when Leonardo came into the room. Splinter smiled gently at his eldest son. '**_He looked so worried and fearful_**.' Leonardo sat down before him, and spoke to him with whispers, "Master, how is Mikey doing?"

Splinter smiled, "I fear that his spirit does not want to be healed. He is trapped inside, and nothing we are doing is helping. We must continue to talk to him, convince him that our love is real."

Leonardo smiled, "I understand Master, but I don't understand why Michelangelo did this. Is he doing this for attention? Does he really believe that he is worthless? That we do not care for him?"

Splinter sighed, knowing that his eldest was greatly confused and worried. His other two sons were feeling helpless as well. "I do not know what started Michelangelo on this path. He is wounded deeply. I fear we are losing him. He does not talk, or move. I think he is giving up."

Leo opened his mouth in shock, he looked at Mikey laying there, his breathe quickened. "No," he whispered fearfully. Splinter said nothing.

"NO, we will not lose him sensei, he will live." Leo told Splinter, who looked sorrowful at his eldest. Leo stood up and left his father behind, anger and fear driving him away. Splinter sighed, standing above his youngest son. He could see that he was awake, and his anger grew. He felt like he failed his youngest, failed being a father. He wanted to get through to his son, help him. "Michelangelo, I do not know why you are doing this to your family, why you are giving up when you have so much to live for. Please my son, you need to try. You need to keep going. We love you, and to lose you would tear our family apart. Fight this battle, do not give up." he said, touching Mikey's face lightly, remembering when his son was just a turtle tot.

Mikey continued to lie there, devoid of life in his eyes. **_It hurt to see nothing, when his youngest used to be so full of life. My watch is almost up, I need to call in Raphael. It is his turn next. I truly hope he can get through to Michelangelo. This has been a very long week_**.


	12. Chapter 12

Raph entered the room, stopping at the door, staring at his brother on the bed. **_He couldn't fathom it, why was Mikey doing this?_**

He stalked to the chair beside Mikey's bed, grumbling, angry. He muttered to himself, angry and hurt. Finally, after a long moment, he growled out, "WHY??? WHY Mikey,!!! Aren't we your family? Don't we matter to you? Tell us!! Why are you starving yourself? Why are you killing yourself??" he said angrily, wiping the tears away that were building.

Mikey didn't answer, he curled up slightly, _Raph was his best friend at one time. He used to idolize Raph, he was so cool. He was able to calm Raph down, play with him, they used to do everything together. Until Casey came. Suddenly he was shoved aside, he didn't matter and Raph started to tease him more and more. Yell at him, push him aside, or hit him. He didn't even get it._

Raph jumped up, not even realizing that Mikey was listening to him. "I HATE THIS!! I HATE YOU!! You are killing yourself, don't you get that? Don't you see that everything is messed up now?? Look around, everyone is hiding, blaming themselves, this is your mess, and your screwing up the family!!! Did you think losing weight was going to get you attention? Make things better?? Well, it ain't!!" Raph said, ranting, not even looking at the look of panic flash on Mikey's face.

Raph walked back in forth, fingering his Sai's, wondering what to do. **_Its not fair, he's being selfish, how could he look fat? He's so scrawny, it ridiculous. Look at him, he's like a god damn skeleton. What they hell is going on here? He's my brotha, he should be making jokes, reading his comics, drawin', but he don't do any of that anymore. FUCK!!!_**

Raph looked at Mikey, he stood there, trying to see if his brother was in there, but Mikey's eyes looked dead, voided, and it stabbed him thru the heart. "Mikey, I know you can hear me, Please, fight. Don is going to help you, we are too. We don't want to lose you. We want you to live, we want you to fight by our side…but that can't happen if your dead…Please Mikey, can you try to fight?"

Mikey didn't answer, **_he tried hard not to listen to Raph, but it was so hard. Raphael was his brother, and for some reason, he needed to keep that bond with Raph, it had kept him sane, but then he remembered, Raph hurt him, called him names, siding with Casey, called him fat, made him believe it, what was the point anymore, Raph had a new brother, his name was Casey, he didn't need him anymore, _**and Mikey turned his head away from Raph, his heart breaking when he heard the soft gasp of Raph's voice beside him.

Raph gasped when Mikey turned his head away, he was rejecting him. **_It hurt, he thought he could get through to his little brother, they were close, or so he thought. But Mikey was rejecting him, and it hurt, and tears built up, he had to leave the room, he had to get out, and so he turned and ran out, slamming into Leo, who was coming in for his watch. He ignored his brothers cries about 'What's wrong?'. He couldn't listen to Leo now, he had to get away. Tears ran down his face._******

He had to run, Mikey had rejected him, and it hurt. 


	13. Chapter 13

Leo walked into the lab, staring at his little brother. He honestly had no idea what to say. Sitting nearby, he pondered what he could say. Thinking hard, finally, he spoke softly, "I don't understand why you think you are overweight, I have no clue where the idea originated from. But you are scaring us now. Your so thin, skin and bones, and you think your fat. Why? Is it our fault? Have we said something to make you think that your fat? If so, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate anything."

Mikey didn't react, he continued to think about Raph, about how hurt Raph felt when he ran from the room. Tears fell down his cheeks, he needed his brother. He needed to know that he was important to Raph, because he felt like he was losing Raph to Casey, they were more brothers than Mike and he was. Mike sighed, listening to Leo talk, hearing Leo thinking it was his fault. He sighed, wondering if he should talk to him. But Leo next words spoke more than encouraged him.

"I think you feel that you aren't worth anything to this family, but you are. You are our sunshine, but more than that, you keep us grounded. If you died, we would fall apart, don't you see that Mikey? Can't you stop this and get better?" Leo asked, he was hurt and confused. He blamed Mikey for his family being torn like this. It wasn't fair to him, his father blamed himself, Raph was angry and upset, April and Casey were driven away because they weren't sensitive to them. And Don, he was lost in his own self guilt, feeling that it was his fault that Mikey had gotten so bad. "Its not fair!! Stop this Michelangelo, its not right! Do you think that its fair to do this to us? TO make us feel torn apart, we're brothers!!"

Mikey turned his head away, he was tired of Leo's ranting, he heard Don coming in, talking quietly to Leo and wondered what he said, but he felt a small prick on his arm and he feel asleep.

Mikey felt the fog lifting, and Leonardo's voice talking nearby. He tried to concentrate on it, drawing his energy to find it, so he could wake up. When he opened his eyes, he stares fuzzily at Leo for a few moments before Leo saw he was awake.

Leo smiled, his little brother finally woke up. He was feeling a little bit better now. "Hey Mikey, I'm glad you're awake. I told Donnie I'd call him when you woke up, so I'll be right back…." Leo said quietly, a small smile on his face. He stared at Mikey, who seemed to be trying to focus on him, he stayed to make sure he wasn't alone until he fully woke up.

"You know Mikey, you're making this harder on everyone else…do you know what all this is doing to Master Splinter? To Donnie? Hell, I'm wondering what the hell you did to Raph to make him run out of here." Leo said, trying to keep his tone in check. "It's just that if you were going to do this, this way, you have to understand we are going to fight you."

Mikey thought that was an odd statement that he said. He frowned, wondering what Leo meant by that statement. Then he felt it. He could still feel the I.V. in his hand but this time, he could feel something on his face, in his mouth! A tube. He glanced up, searching for what it was attached too, wondering, panic starting to grow on his face. He saw the bag, wondering what it was. He was attached to it, whatever it was, was going down his throat into his stomach! His eyes looked at Leo wildly.

"Calm yourself Mikey, its just an feeding tube. You lost so much nutrients, so much food, that we needed to give it to you this way." Leo said explaining, touching a call button nearby to call his father and brothers. "We had no choice Mikey, you weren't going to eat for us."

Mikey eyes widen in panic, glancing at the bag again, he was half was already gone, and he could feel his stomach was bigger, and he started thrashing around struggling against the straps holding him down, despite Leo's orders to calm down. Tears ran down his face as he realized that he was going to be forced to get better, forced to eat, despite what he thought. He felt a pinch on his neck, and recalled it was Splinter who taught it, to touch this certain nerve calmed people down. He whimpered, he didn't want to eat, didn't they understand!

Leo was angry that Mikey freaked out, but Don said that was expected. He sighed, watching as Mikey struggled against the straps holding him down, and he had to look away, it hurt to watch it.

Don and Splinter entered the room, trying to convince Mikey to stop struggling but to no avail, Don ended up sedating his little brother. "Guess its my turn for watch right?" he asked Leo.

Leo nodded, and looked at Splinter, he wanted to talk with his father while Don took the next watch.


	14. Chapter 14

Don sighed, sitting beside Mikey's bed, reading the information he had gained from the internet about treating patients suffering from anorexia and bulimia. He had to be very strict about what he ingested right now, careful about it. Looking at Mikey's sleeping form, tears fell from his eyes. He wondered about the after affects of Mikey's illness, knowing that Mikey had to start counselling sessions. I do not think he is going to want to talk to Sensei, or Leo or Raph, but for him to recover, I think it would be good for him to have counselling sessions with all of us, and some group sessions as well.

He heard April and Casey comments earlier, wondering why they thought that Mikey was doing this only for attention. It puzzled him. Mikey is beyond wanting attention, he truly believes he needs to lose weight, but why? Maybe I should try to find his journal….that would show me what's going on in Mikey's head, but should I really? That's an invasion of privacy, and I don't think I should, but right now, I don't really know…this is so puzzling and aggravating. According to the internet, guys have been getting diagnosed with eating disorders more and more in the past 5 years then before. Now, they have some treatment plans, but nothing to elaborate.

First, they had to build up the nutrients in Mikey's body so it could start to take solids after awhile. After Mikey accepts the fact he has to eat, then they start feeding him small portions of food until he starts to gain weight. After that initial process starts, then hopefully, with counselling sessions and everything, then maybe they could help Mikey get better.

Don heard Mikey moan, he was waking up. He frowned, his body seemed to always burn thru sedatives fast, and he didn't like that. The bag was almost done though.

"Hey Mike, I know you don't want this, but you must accept it. We are going to keep you strapped until you promise not to take out the I.V. or that N.G. tube. Alright?" Don said explaining.

Mikey glared at him, feeling more than anger, he felt betrayed. "No matter what you do Don, I will not stop what I am doing. it's the only thing I can do to be accepted…" and he turned away.

Don gasped, his eyesight suddenly blurry from the tears that threatened to fall. He didn't understand, everything was so screwed up. He walked to his computer, trying to concentrate on his research.


	15. Chapter 15

Over the next two weeks, Mikey remained silent and angry, refusing to eat. One day, after Raphael came for his watch, they stared at each other. Mikey was sitting up in his bed, looking healthier from his forced food intakes and I.V. Raph was still angry and hurt, he wanted to know why Mikey was so angry, so intent on killing himself. No one had been able to get through to him yet. And Raph was determined to get through.

"I want to know why!!" Raph demanded, standing near Mikey's bed, fists clenched. He had to go and meet Casey in a little while, but before he went, he was going to find out some answers.

Mikey spoke, anger in voice, "Why should I tell you!!"

Raph growled, his frustration rising, "Because I'm your brother and I love you! Don't you see we are all suffering because of you! Don't you see that we want you to live!!"

Mikey laughed bitterly, "Fuck you Raph, just leave me the Hell alone, go have fun with your precious Casey and leave me alone." and he turned his head and looked away.

Raph snapped, backhanding Mikey hard across the face, "You little shit!" and stepped forward to hit Mikey again, "I don't know why you're being such a freak lately," and slapped Mikey again, ignoring the pained cries, "but I have had enough!" and backhanded Mikey once more, splitting his lip. He turned, about to storm away.

Mikey spoke, wishing he could have defended himself, but he was still in restraints, "Bye Raphie…I guess I deserved that…" he said whispering.

Raph whirled around, his anger growing, "You damn right you deserved it, you little shit. Don practically is zombie because of you! Leo is always training, and Splinter, Hell Mikey, Splinter hardly leaves his room unless its for practice. They all feel bad. April and Casey never visit. It's your fault." he said, his rage in his eyes, practically showing his hatred.

Mikey felt the tears build up, but he yelled, "Its your fault Raph!" and when he saw Raph's rage changed into an uncontrollable rage, he cringed, knowing Raph wouldn't be able to control his moves. HE twisted his straps, wishing he could defend himself as Raph started punching him, slapping him hard, growling, and through his pained cries, he heard Leo and Don yelling at Raph to get off of him. Mikey looked up, seeing Raph being held back. He felt Splinter's hands on his face, taking the straps off of him, talking to him, but he fazed him out.

He only saw Raph, the pain on his face, his anger, and his own rage grew. Realizing he was no longer strapped to the table, he growled, pushing his father away. Yelling at Raph, he said, "YOU LITTLE FUCKING SHIT! YOU HAVE NO HONOR, ATTACKING ME WHILE I WAS DEFENSELESS!!! YOU LITTLE BASTARD, DID YOU EVER GET IT ON YOUR HEAD THAT YOU AND CASEY WERE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS!!!" and his body shook with anger, so much anger, "YOU TELL ME I'M FAT, SAY THAT I'M WORTHLESS, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOU WONDER WHAT STARTED IT, YOU'LL BE PLEASED TO KNOW, IT STARTED WITH YOU TWO!!!" and Mikey turned and bolted form the lab, intent on his freedom, he ran, feeling his usually hyperactive self return, he ran from his home, hearing Leo and Don yell from behind him.


	16. Chapter 16

Splinter turned to Raphael, anger showing on his face, "What is the meaning of this? Why did you attack your brother?"

Raph spat out, "He ain't my brotha sensei! That little shit is going to pay. He said it was all my fault, said I started this. I didn't sensei!"

Splinter asked, "Do you really want nothing to do with your brother Raphael? Do you really hate him?" he asked surprised.

Raph faltered, "No, well, yes and no, I don't know sensei! Its' just, he's killing himself, he's ignoring all of us, because of him, we're nothing but ghosts and its not fair!!! Why did he do this?" Raph paced, his anger and confusion evident in his body, "I'm trying to help him, but he rejects me, and its not fair! I want to help him but he ain't talking….oh my God, I hit him!" he said, suddenly realizing. The anger he had bottled up from Mikey's rejection had evolved, he didn't even think about what he just did, "Sensei, I hit him, oh my god, I hit him, I didn't mean to, I really didn't!!" Raph said distressed and worried.

Splinter sighed, "Yes, you did hit him, even when he was restrained, your anger grew out of control. You need to fix this Raphael, you did your brother harm."

Raph nodded, tears falling down his cheeks, he said, "I gotta go find him, I gotta go apologize, I really didn't mean to hit him sensei, I just got so angry…I couldn't control myself."

Splinter nodded, "I hope you learn from your mistake my son, anger like this needs to be controlled, and your younger brother is sick. You need to be there for him…go and find him, now."

Raph nodded, getting up, he left the lair, intent on finding his little brother. 'I can't believe I hit him!!! I didn't mean to, I just, I got so angry, but that's no excuse, I don't hate him, why does he keep running from me, what did he mean about me and Casey starting everything? I wish I knew, God Mikey, Please forgive me, I didn't mean to, I'll make it up to you.' Raph thought as he searched for his brother.

* * *

Mikey ran, he had to, it was too hard, his body shook with exertion, his head pounded, he had a headache. 'Raph hit him, beat him up, I can't believe it, he can't mean that, did he really give up on him, I don't want him to hate me, what can I do?' Mikey stopped running, breathing hard. He had forgotten that he hadn't exercised in a long time. Panting, he sat down and looked down at the sewer junction below him, he watched the water run down into the large pool, thinking about his family, 'why are they doing this to me? They always watch me, they don't let me write, they don't let me do anything, I know they are doing this because they care, but what more can I do? I lost all this weight so they would like me, so they would accept me, but they still don't. None of them listen, not even Splinter,' Mikey stared at the water, feeling the tug of idea to jump in, to let it all go. He was so tired. So tired of being useless.

He heard someone behind him, he tensed up. He didn't want to deal with anyone. But when he heard Raph's voice, he flinched.

"Mikey?" Raph said quietly, seeing the flinch, he felt awful. He realized that Mikey might feel scared. "Can you turn around so we can talk…Please?" he asked contritely.

Mikey sighed, he turned around, "What? What can you say to me? You hurt me, hit me, why do you want me to keep hurting me?"

Raph cringed, "I'm sorry, I am really sorry, I don't know what I can do to make it up to you." he said, feeling tears build up, "I'm just so angry at you….its not fair what you are doing! What you are doing to yourself, and to us! Can't you see that ?"

Mikey sighed, "I'm so tired of this! Can't you see that I'm so friggin tired of this. Of trying to change myself to get you guys to finally like me, to accept me, and you keep at me! You force me to eat, force me to 'get better', Mikey said sarcastically, holding up his hands in quotation marks. "I'm too tired of this! I'm tired of having to keep changing myself, because that obviously isn't working." Mikey stood up, and turned back to the water below, watching it, wanting to feel it, wanting to jump into it. He was captivated by the water.

Raph saw Mikey looking down, a yearning on his face. "Please Mikey, Please, don't even think about that! We can't lose you, Please, just come back home, Please?"

Mikey glanced at him, feeling like he was torn in two, finally, he nodded, "Fine, but I want to be able to write, I don't want to be tied down anymore…."

Raph nodded, agreeing to anything. "Okay Mikey, anything, just come home, Please, we need you bro!"

Mikey sighed, dejected, he started to follow Raph but stopped as Raph spoke quietly, "You said I started you on this path….me and Casey…can you tell me what I did, Please?"

Mike looked away, "Words hurt Raph, and when you made fun about how 'big' I was, and you and Casey kept at it, what am I supposed to believe, Casey was right." and Mikey turned away, feeling his tears build up, trying to control his emotions.

Raph gasped, remembering when he and Casey made fun of Mikey because of his appetite. "Oh man, I'm so sorry bro, we didn't mean anything by it, we were kidding around, I'm sorry. Mike, Please believe me, I love you, just for you, and if this being skinny like this, is your thing right now, I still love you, nothing is going to change that, do you understand?"

Mikey nodded, he looked up at Raph, "That's not all I'm worried about Raph, your words hurt, and you continued to say them, both you and Casey…and I figured, if I lost the weight, your words would stop….but it didn't do anything….everything is still the same…no one listens to me…dismiss my opinions, what good is it anymore Raph, why must I keep on hurting…when you all keep hurting me?"

Raph was glad Mikey was opening up to him, and he was also feeling really bad, "We will work on this Mike. You're right, this needs to change. I'm sorry for making fun of you, that's wrong of me, but I swear Mikey, I will change."

Mikey looked at him, trying to read his eyes, to see if he was lying, but all he saw was truth, he nodded, "Okay Raph, I believe you….I forgive you Raph, I do, for hitting me, and all, I know you lost control…I forgive you." Mikey said hesitantly.

Raph looked surprised, and he shook his head, "No Mike, Please don't forgive me so easy….I need to work at it, I need to prove it…don't forgive me until then, alright?"

Mike nodded, feeling pleased that Raph wasn't trying to take the easy way out. They walked together to the lair, silent in their thoughts.

Raph was about to speak again when they entered the lair, Mikey immediately turned to his room, needed the comfort of his room. Raph was about to follow, wanting to fix this, when the alarm in the lair started ringing. Everyone froze, and Splinter, Leo and Don all converged on the lab, Mikey slowly following behind.

"Foot ninja's, they are getting very close to the lair, we should try to divert them." Leo said as he saw the video uplink.

Mikey spoke quietly, "No, what we should do is activate the security system holograms near the old lair, that's where they are. We can escape while they are distracted."

Leo shook his head, "No, that won't work, it would be useless." dismissing Mikey's idea.

Mikey's face fell, he realized they still didn't listen to him. Frowning, he listened as Leo told them, "What we are going to do is leave the lair locked up, we are going to go to junction chute 3, attract the foot that way, and scatter, Master, you will stay with Mikey, me, Raph and Don will distract them away."

Splinter was about to speak but Raph interfered, "But Leo, Mikey and Splinter are going to need some help, we can't leave them defenceless, Mikey's sick."

Mikey frowned again, Raph continued to talk, "His idea is much better, we can distract the foot with the holograms in the old lair while we all make a run for it."

Mike gave Raph a small smile, realizing that Raph was trying to take his opinions into consideration despite the emergency.

Leo shook his head, "No, its too much of a risk, if they realize it's a hologram, they could locate this lair. Besides, Mikey's sick, we need him to stick with Splinter," and he turned to Splinter as Don filled up his gadget bag, "Master, keep Mikey close, get him to eat his energy bars and drinks, Don will fill a bag for you. Bring him to Casey's, tell Casey to watch him and come back and help us set up a defence against the foot." Splinter nodded, but Leo then turned to Mikey, "Mike, I know you aren't well yet, I hope you will get better soon. You will stay with Casey and listen to him, do you understand?"

Mikey gulped, he hated Casey, he was about to shake his head when Leo's eyes turned hard, "Haven't you done enough to this family Mikey, just listen to me! When Splinter drops you off, you will stay there and you will eat what Casey gives you, do you understand?"

Mikey gulped back his tears, nodding, he remained quiet as he and Splinter went to grab some supplies to go with them. Mikey sat down on his bed, quietly placing in his bag his journals and some comics and his sketch pad and materials. Picking up his bear that his brother Raphael gave him for his 6th birthday, he carried it with him, feeling strangely empty.

Following his father, he and his brothers quickly left the lair, locking it up behind them, they ran. At one junction, they all fought a little, separating at Junction 3, they separated.

Mikey followed his father, obedient, listening to Leo's words, feeling empty, but basked in the knowledge, that his brother Raphael was trying to help him, trying to listen to him, trying to prove to Mikey that Mikey's opinion, Mikey's way, was important.

Knocking on the window outside Casey's apartment, Splinter quickly told Casey what had happened, who listened and looked at Mikey with an icy look. Mikey trembled, he didn't like Casey, he always acted a little mean to him, and now, Splinter turned to him, "Michelangelo, you must stay here with Mr. Jones and be good. You are still not well. I want you to eat what he gives you, promise me!"

Mikey nodded, his throat choking up as his fears rose, "I promise sensei."

"We will be back my son, 3 days at most, we must make sure our home is not discovered. Behave my sons, I love you." Splinter said, hugging Mikey's hard, and soon left Mikey behind.

Mikey glanced up, seeing Casey Jone's smirk on his face, Casey spoke, "Well, guess you need to listen to what I gotta say now, hey wimp."

Mikey nodded, wishing his family would listen to his words concerns about Casey. He flinched when Casey sat near him.

* * *

**_(I know people really like Casey Jones, I do to, but in this story, Casey is going to be the bad guy in a way, he's going to bully Mikey to screw him up again, so please, I don't want any reviews about how not to make Casey the bad guy. I always felt that he might hold some animosity against Mikey since Raph and Mikey were best friends. So no evil reviews. LOL!!!)_**

**_Hope you enjoy this chapter, it kinda helps if I get lots of reviews. Just a note, my other stories will be updated this week or next._**

THankies


	17. Chapter 17

Raph was running along with Don, concern for his younger brother distracting him. He cried out when he tripped on something. He jumped up, scowling at Don, who chuckled. 

Don finally spoke, "What did you say to Mikey?" concern showing in his voice as they ran down another alley, trying to draw the Purple Dragon's away from their home.

"I apologized to him Don….but we need to talk about this once we're cleared." Raph said panting as they climbed up another building's fire escape, intending to jump over the buildings.

Don panted, right behind his brother, "What do you mean?"

Once they reached the roof, they stopped, panting, and looking around to make sure things were safe. Raph turned to Don, unease on his face. "It's my fault Donnie…do you remember when I threw your bo at Mikey and made him fall down?"

Don nodded. 

"Well, remember I teased him about his weight?" Again, Don nodded to Raph's words, recalling that they all made fun of his weight, him not so much, he just didn't answer back to mike's question that day. 

"Well, I told Casey that I teased him about his weight, and Casey told me that it would be funny to make Mikey think he was fat, so we continued to tease him. Casey more than me, but it was supposed to be a joke. I didn't think he would take it seriously." Raph said explaining. 

Don understood what Raph was confessing to, "That's what made him start?" he asked.

Raph nodded miserably, "He was hurt, he believes it…but he also believes he has no worth, no value to us, we don't listen to him when he gives advice, or ideas, we ignore his abilities, he feels he's a liability."

Don sighed, shaking his head, "Its not all your fault Raph, yes, you did have a hand in it, but your right. In everything…we don't take Mikey seriously, and we have teased him about his appetite before. SO don't worry so much Raph, we'll help him. Make sure you talk to Casey too!"

Raph paled, "Yeah, Casey kinda doesn't like Mikey…" he said quietly. 

Don asked, "What do you mean?"

Raph shrugged, "I don't really know…its just that he doesn't like Mikey, he is always telling me to blow Mike off, spend time with him, and when I do invite Mike, he's man to him…I like Casey, I do, but sometimes, I think he really hates Mikey."

Don was worried, Mikey was at Casey's right now, "Do you think he said something to Mikey about his weight?"

Raph shrugged, "I don't know, Case, he's just being him, but I really think we need to check on Mikey. I know we told Leo we were going to continue our patrol and make sure the Dragons don't get close, but I get this bad feeling."

Don nodded, "That's alright Raph, we can drop by, I wanna make sure he's eating too."

But as they ran, they both got the bad feeling deep in the pit of their stomachs, that something bad was going to happen, thay something was going to change their family, forever...

* * *

Meanwhile, Mikey clutched at his stuffed bear, feeling scared and tense. Casey was sitting beside him, smiling and talking, but he wasn't paying attention. He ignored Casey. He knew he had to be good. Suddenly, Casey got up, he looked angry for some reason, Mikey asked, "Why don't you like me?"

Casey growled, "I hate you, you fucking shit! Raph my best friend, and your taking him away. You useless! The only thing I have heard you doing for this family, is winning that damn tournament. And that was a load of crock! Raph told me the only reason you won was because it was a fluke." Casey grumbled, and started to walk away. 

"I'm not useless Casey! And Raph is my brother, whether you like that or not, nothing will change that." Mikey said angrily, standing up.

"He gave you that, didn't he? Of course, only for his little brother…" Casey said, pointing to the bear, "Your nothing but a baby, you cry, bitch and moan when things don't go your way. Your doing this for attention and its not fair. Raph has hardly been by because of you." He snatched the bear away, glaring at it. Mikey cried out, his arms reaching for his bear, "Give it back Casey."

Casey struck him hard across the face, he fell to the ground with a thud. "Your useless, little piece of shit, repeat after me, I am useless," Casey ordered, standing over Mikey, glaring at him.

Mikey glared back, "I ain't useless, Raph told me that he loves me, he apologized for being so mean. He said he would try to change, to be better, to like me for me! I believe him, I ain't useless."

Casey grabbed Mikey by the shell, tossing him into a closet nearby and pushing him in. "You are useless, a pain in the ass, just wait until your family see you for what you really are, a fucking little shit."

Mikey banged on the door, panicking a little since it was dark. Blackness, he felt his heart beat in trepidation and fear, "LET ME OUT! I"LL TELL Raph!" he screamed, banging on the door, but feeling exhausted after a few minutes. He didn't have the strength he once had. 

Casey yelled out from the other side of the door, "Say it, say your worthless, useless, no good to anybody, you should just leave, just go away."

Mikey shook his head, feeling scared. He didn't believe Casey, he wanted to believe Raph, he needed to know he was worth something. He needed to know he was part of his family. But Casey next words hit him hard. 

"DO you think they care about you? Look at them! Splinter left you here, Leo didn't want you in the way, Don hates you and keeps you tied up, and Raph, He likes spending time with me, I'm his brother now, you ain't worth anything!" Casey said, wanting this turtle to get away, to take off, he wanted the turtle to stop smiling, to stop Raph from choosing between them. Casey knew Raph would always chose Mikey, and he hated it, Mikey didn't deserve Raph, he did. Casey had his ma, and his cousin, but they weren't really family. Well, his ma was, in a way, but she was different, didn't do the whole family thing. With Raph, he was accepted for himself, he was happy, he had a brother, someone who liked the same things he did. Raph was his best friend, and damn anyone who was going to take that away.

"Where are your brothers now?" Casey asked, hearing a sniffling from the closet, "Did they take you with them? Did they let you in the team? Do you even go to practice? NO! They tie you down, they force you to eat, they don't listen to what you said, your ideas, everything, you're a liability, a nothing, you don't bring anything to the team!" Casey smiled when he heard the young turtle crying. 

Mikey was trying hard to deny what Casey was saying, wanting to block it out, but he knew it was true, what he said. That's how he felt, how he had been feeling for years. He had started to cry when Casey was talking, feeling abandoned, and scared, "Its not true! Raph said he loved me!" he said, clinging to Raph's words.

Casey laughed, loud and obnoxious, "Yeah? Well, lemme tell you something, when he comes here, he complains, about you. Mikey should eat, he's too skinny, he's a little shit, he's wreaking the family. That's all he says, he spends so much time calling you down. I don't believe he said that. He won't change!"

Mikey believed Casey, he did, he wanted to deny it, to not believe it, but it was true. Mikey was tired, exhausted and confused. He cried, feeling hurt. "Please let me out." he pleaded.

Casey laughed, "Why should I?"

Mikey felt himself breaking, felt like giving up, giving in, wanting to die, "Please Casey, I want out."

Casey sniggered, "Nah, I'll think I'll leave you in there….unless…"

Mikey heard his words, clinging to that 'unless', "Unless what? Please, let me out!" he begged, needed to get away from the terrifying darkness. He had always hated the dark.

Casey smiled, "Two things, one, after I let you out, you leave, and never come back. Raph doesn't want you, none of your family do, and two, tell me your worthless, that you are a liability."

Mikey thought about it, thought hard, he wanted out, he wanted to get away from the pain, the hurt, he needed to get away. He nodded, "Okay Casey," he said meekly, agreeing to anything.

Casey opened the closet door and saw a broken turtle on the floor. His mouth still bleeding a bit. Casey say the dead look and smiled, "Say it."

Mikey spoke, his words dead and void of emotion, "I'm worthless, a liability, I ain't ever going to be good for no one, not even my family." and Casey smiled. He kicked Mikey hard in the stomach, enjoying the gasp of pain the turtle elicited. 

"Go, and never come back!" Casey commanded. 

Mikey got up and walked to his bag, and teddy bear, he walked away, leaving Casey's place, he walked away from his family. He had to run away, go somewhere his family couldn't find him. He had to run…to hide…to stop himself from dying…because he refused to let Casey win with that.

He looked in his bag as he walked, seeing the food in there, he glanced at it. His stomach wanted food, and he knew he should eat. Don had gotten him to the point where he could eat small amounts of food without getting sick. But Mikey felt like he was dead inside. Food had no interest in him. He put the granola bars back, feeling his stomach protest in anger, he quelled it, slipping back into the mindset of not eating, trying to deny food, the pleasure of eating, so he could stop feeling. But he remembered his promise to Raph, he had promised him…that he would eat. His confused mind was thinking of so much, so many thoughts went around his head, Casey's words, what had happened last night. 

Mikey walked to a spot only known to him, a place none of his brothers would go to, even to look for him. He pulled out his journal, and took some paper and a pen and started writing, feeling some comfort from writing.

_**I am writing for the first time in months it seems, so much has happened…at first, it was my family, they caught me…Leo saw me throwing up, well, I miss it. They tied me down, forced food in my stomach, I'm so fat, its' ridiculous. I am so big and bulky, I gained so much from that…I can keep some food in my stomach…they tied my down, never thought to tell me, they forced it….but I knew then…that I thought they cared…but now I ain't too sure….**_

_**Raphie beat me up…when I was tied down….he didn't mean it...I know, he was just angry….and since I haven't helped him with his anger, it exploded…I'm just glad it was me he hurt, and no one else. I hope Raphie learns to control it…I'm no longer going to be there…Raphie and Leo and Don, they all deserve someone better.**_

_**Casey told me I was worthless, a liability, I believe him. It's true. I know it is. I didn't want to believe him, but its true…I guess I should have told Raph that Casey didn't like me, but he is Raph's friend. I can't deny him that. Raph needs other friends. Not just us…Casey was really mean last night, he hurt me…punched me in the face and kicked me…he even …locked me in the closet….he wouldn't let me out until I said I was worthless, that I was a liability. Its true, I know it is, so I said it….but then Casey told me to leave, to never come back, so I said okay…I wanted to get away, I was so scared, so scared…Casey doesn't want to share Raph at all…ever…I hope he doesn't turn on the rest of the family…but me and Raph, we're best friends…I guess that's why he hated me…**_

_**I'm alone right now, shivering and cold, but I said I would run away, that I would go away….but I ain't going to let Casey let me die….if my family doesn't love me, that's alright, because, I still love them, and I will come back, every 3 months, to check on them, I'll come back…I'll make sure they are alright….I'll live…and eat…and get better…I know I'm sick…but I will come back for them…every 3 months…at the New York Library….**_

_**I love them, my family, and even though none listen to me, ignore my ideas or opinions, hit or make fun of me, despite it all, all the shit I went through….I still love them….and I always will…and damn it all….Casey won this time….but once I'm better…I'll come back….I'll see if my family wants me…and if they do….I'll go back…I'll be there for them….and Casey, I'll put up with him, and his abuse…because my family….if they want me…I'll be there….**_

_**Mikey………….**_

TO BE CONTINUED...

One more chapter after this...its a two parter...I'll wrap up this story next chapter...read and review, good or bad, 

(ps, I know I strayed off the path of anorexia...and eating disorders, so don't give me grief about that, its going to be explained next chapter.)

ENJOY, and hope you like it...because I do :)

****


	18. Chapter 18

**3 Monthes** past by, and Raph was getting very angry and upset. There home had been invaded once more, destroyed, and Raph and his brothers spent a long time salvaging what they could from Mikey's room. They had found his diet books, and weren't surprised. 

He found himself hanging around the room they had given to Mikey, so when he comes back, he has his own place. He didn't understand why Mikey ran away. He could still remember that day, when he and Donnie went to Casey's to check on Mikey. That's when they found out Mikey ran away when Casey was in the shower. That's what Casey said. Raph and Don immediately called Splinter and Leo, told them Mikey was missing, and they searched the city. They found clues, small ones, but no Mikey, no brother. 

Raph crawled onto the bed he made his little brother, looked at his books, his sketches he had left behind. He looked as them, seeing each sketch and felt himself almost empty of emotion. None of them had gained back their regular attitude that they had before. 

Raph glanced around the empty room, knowing Mikey never lived there, but he said anyway, "Mikey, Please, I miss you, come home, come home safely."

* * *

Mikey looked at the city in the distance, seeing a stranger almost. It felt like an eternity that he had left, since he ran off. He debated to himself, should he go back. Looking at his journal, he nodded to himself, "Yes, if they want me, and I'm pretty sure they do, I'll go back." he told himself. 

3 months on his own had made Mikey grow up a little. He had gotten better mentally and his friends that he had made helped a great deal. They also helped him with battling anorexia. While he was gone, his friends made him read certain books, books about anorexia and bulimia. The stories didn't have happy endings. They scared him. He realized his brothers were trying to help him, and since he had healed a great deal on his own, he needed his family to finish healing. 

Walking back into the forest, he sat down before the fire he had built. He pondered for awhile, wondering if it was better to just leave. But he shook his head, no, he wasn't going to let Casey win tonight. He was better, mentally, he was strong, still a little weak when he over did things, but that was normal. His friends Tria and Sali, they helped him, healed his body, but to get better, he needed his family, to deal with the family dynamics and his feelings with his family. The 3 months away helped in a way, he didn't resent his family anymore for tying him down and feeding him like that, he know understood they did that to help him. Not to hurt him. 

Standing up, he picked up his backpack, wishing his friends could have come but they needed to stay home. He had to do this on his own. Kicking out the fire he made, making sure there was no burning embers, he started walking back to his home city.

* * *

Casey smiled as he called Raph up, "Hey bro, just want to know if you want to come out tonight, bring your brothers, we can go after some purple dragons, there's word there is a shipment coming in of runners."

Raph nodded, "Sure Case, meet you at your place in an hour. I'll get my bro's in."

Raph sighed, walking past Mikey's room with a sad glance. They had searched for so long, knowing something had to have happened to make Mikey run, but they didn't know. Casey just said that Mikey took off, no reason. He didn't understand what was going on his brothers mind. But when he thought about seeing Mikey, he knew he was going to forgive him, because he just wanted his little brother back. That was all. 

Telling his brothers what Casey said, they started getting their gear together. 

Splinter came out, looking old and weary, he spoke, "Something is going to happen tonight. It is going to change things. You all must remember, think before you speak, hear your words before you speak them. And LISTEN. You must do this, or things will not get better."

Leo asked, "What's changing? Do you know what is going to change?"

Splinter shook his head, "I do not know, but while I was meditating, I felt certain things, and know that you all must do this, or we will continue having tension in this life."

Leo nodded, sighing. He knew that his father would get like this sometimes. He was used to it. After gearing up, he followed his brothers. Wondering about where Mikey was and how he was doing, he wished that his teaching involved in being able to look for Mikey on the astral plane. 

Donatello thought of Mikey too, he was close to his little brother, and felt a lot of hurt since he didn't know where Mikey was. He wished he could see Mikey again, wanting to see him, to know he was alright. But he also felt anger, Mikey shouldn't have run away. He should have dealt with his problems. 

They were walking around the sewers, thinking to themselves, knowing for a fact they all missed Mikey, and wanted to see him again. Then Raph spoke, "We should go and see Patience and Fortitude again…I'm feeling the need to see them tonight…"

Don nodded, "Your missing Mikey to tonight?"

Raph nodded, "All day today I've been thinking of Mikey, its been three months today since he took off. You know how much he loved Patience and Fortitude!"

Leo smiled, "Yeah, he sure surprised us that day, didn't he?" he said remembering when Mikey had told them the history behind those two lions.

Raph snickered, "Yeah, I didn't know who was more shocked, you or Leo…" chuckling at the memory.

Don smiled, "I honestly can say, I probably was more shocked. I didn't think he would know."

Raph smirked, "Yeah, its just that I have this feeling, this need, I can't explain it, I need to go by there."

Leo nodded, "Okay, we'll go before we meet Casey at the warehouse." and they walked off.

* * *

Mikey had went to the library, waiting in the shadows to see the two lions. He missed them, he thought, smirking at himself. He knew it was stupid, but he had to see them. He wondered if his brothers would believe him, but he needed to try. 

Taking out his journal as he waited, he heard a slight sound behind him. Jumping up and pulled his hoodie back on, he stared in amazement when he saw his brothers standing there, looking at the lions. He wondered why they were there. He watched in silence as they talked amongst themselves. He saw that they looked sad and stressed, knowing it was because he was gone. He felt awful, putting his brothers through so much pain, especially master Splinter. He wondered how he was doing. 

Mikey sat back down, after seeing Leo suddenly stiffen. He gasped. Ducking down, he thought Leo sensed him, but then he heard something else. Wishing he was near his backpack, which was a small distance away, he glared at the foot ninja in front of him. They glared at him too, Karai standing there, glaring at him. He wondered why they were there. 

"Hello turtle, which one might you be?" Karai said smiling gleefully.

Mikey stood up, his hood fell back, he didn't wear his mask anymore, he didn't deserve it. And his nunchakus were in his backpack that the foot ninja was holding. He glanced over, hearing a battle on another roof. He saw his brothers were fighting foot ninja over there. They then gasped, and ran over to where Mikey was standing, crying out his name. Mikey didn't know what to do, he looked at Karai, who smiled back. 

"What do you want with me?" Mikey asked, his voice slightly deeper than before, no longer holding that youthful tone he had. 

Leo moved toward them, intent on interfering. But the foot techs stopped them, Karai yelling, "You turtles will hold, me and this turtle will talk. I must know where he has been these last few months, I have not seen him in quite some time….and Bishop has made a deal with me….he wants the orange turtle…and I finally found you."

Raph growled, jumping forward, "You ain't gonna have him, he's our brother, leave him alone!!"

Karai smiled, and turned to Mikey, who was frozen with some fear and trepidation. "Turtle, you will come with me and I will let your brothers go free unharmed, if you do not come, then I will kill them all."

Mikey turned to his brothers, horror on his face, "Guys, what do I do?"

Leo shook his head and Don said, "Mikey, you can't go, your home, we don't want to lose you."

Raph felt tears build up, "Please Mikey, don't go, we'll fight, we can beat them."

Leo glanced around, seeing a lot of foot ninja around, maybe well over 200 hundred, he knew they wouldn't win a fight like this. They were completely unprepared for this. "Mikey, we can win, as long as we fight….your home, and we love you, Please, don't do this."

Mikey felt the tears fall down his cheeks, "Guys, I'm sorry, I caused you so much pain, so much hurt running away, I'm sorry….but I got to go, I can't fight…I'm not healed yet, and if I do extreme exercise, my heart will be pushed to much…I could have a heart attack," he said, looking at Don, who nodded. He knew the risks of people recovering from anorexia and bulimia. He knew that they could cause a heart attack if they push there heart too fast. "I love you, and tell Master Splinter I love him. You will come for me, this I know, I will hold on, I promise….and too explain what happened….read my journal…alright, all of you and don't let Casey read it either. Alright?"

They nodded. 

Mikey smiled to his brothers, and turned back to Karai, "I will come with you, on two conditions," and Karai nodded, and Mikey spoke, "The first condition is my brothers go free now, with my backpack that ninja over there is holding, it has my journal, my sketches, and my nunchakus. I want them to have them. Give it to Raph."

Karai looked at the ninja who examined the contents, and he nodded. "Very well turtle, he can have it." and the ninja threw it at Raph, who caught it and clutched it to his plastron. Tears on his face. 

"The second is that as long as you have me, or Bishop has me, you will not hunt them down." Mikey stated, bold and daring. 

Karai scoffed, "I don't think so turtle, they will come after you. That agreement is useless. I will let them leave here, unharmed and they will stay unharmed for lets say 48 hours. Do you agree?"

Mikey thought about it, then nodded. He turned to his brother, whispering in there ears that he loved them and will hang on for them. They nodded, and watched in silence as the ninja's and Karai and Mikey left them behind. 

* * *

Raph screamed in pain, his heard felt broken and torn, he screamed his outrage, his pain, and his brothers held him, comforted him. 

After a while, they calmed down, and fled the area, hiding in central park. Leo called Casey and told them that they couldn't do anything tonight. He was pissed and asked to speak to Raph, but Raph was in no condition to speak, so Leo told him to call tomorrow. 

Raph sat down, staring ahead, blanking out. He thought of his little brother, his Mikey, the one he loved more than his own life itself. He would gladly die to protect Mikey. He made things right, made him level, and his feelings lately were out of control because he didn't have Mikey. And now Mikey was gone.

Don was quiet, thinking about the nights events, wondering if they could do anything, anything to help Mikey. But he couldn't' see any other alternative. He could only see they choice they had with Mikey. He knew Mikey was doing this to protect them, but he felt guilty, He couldn't protect Mikey, Mikey was his only little brother. His little brother, and he couldn't' protect him, and Mikey sacrificed himself for his family.

Leo was full of guilt, full of remorse. He saw Mikey, he looked healthy, and balanced though. He saw a hidden sadness in his eyes, and knew his brother grew up while he was gone. He saw the determination and love in Mikey's blue eyes, and knew, they couldn't spend their time like this. He knew they needed to work on saving Mikey. He would lead them, that he knew. 

Raph was looking at the journal, reading entries, reading Mikey's secrets and thoughts. And his rage that he was struggling to control grew more and more when he saw what Mikey wrote about Casey. His anger grew, and grew. Then Mikey's writing, '_**Casey was really mean last night, he hurt me…punched me in the face and kicked me…he even …locked me in the closet….he wouldn't let me out until I said I was worthless, that I was a liability. Its true, I know it is, so I said it' **_and his rage grew into a murderous rage, his temper rose and he growled out, "Casey is a dead man!" he choked out. 

Leo walked over, asking softly, "what's wrong?"

Raph spoke in a tightly controlled voice, "Casey hurt Mikey, threatened him, hurt him, messed with his mind….and made Mikey run away."

Don gasped, quickly reading the journal entry that Raph left open. His own anger built, and he too needed revenge. He growled, "That Bastard!!" and Leo nodded too, he saw and read the entry Raph pointed to. "We are going to confront him, let's go!"

* * *

All three filled with anger, ran with an incredible speed to Casey's apartment. Raph broke the window in his anger, startling Casey, who smiled at him as he came into the window. But it faltered when he saw the murderous rage on Raph's face, and Don's, and Leo's, and he backed up. "Uh, what's going on guys?"

Raph spoke, "You think we wouldn't find out what you did to Mike?"

Casey frowned, "What do you mean? I didn't do anything to Mikey!" he said in a panic. 

Leo growled, holding out his katana, "You think we are stupid? We know you tortured Mikey, messed with his head. WE know you hurt him the night he disappeared. That you locked him in the closet knowing full well that he is scared of the dark. That you told him to run away."

Don sneered, "We are not stupid, and yes, Mikey was angry and hurt, but we know you had a part in it. You made us loose 3 months with Mikey, and we feel it only fare that you lose 3 months of yours!"

Raph grinned, seeing the panic on his face, the fear that was forming in his eyes. "Why Casey? Why did you do this to my little brotha? He's my best friend!"

Casey blurted out angrily, "That's why! He always had your attention, you always wanted to make sure he was happy, even though you teased him. But you'd blow me off to spend time with him, and that's not right. You are my friend, not his!" he ranted. 

Raph growled, and jumped at the same time as Leo and Don, and they attacked Casey, badly. They beat him, using there weapons, they hurt him, and Don pulled something from his pack, and approached the fighting group. "Guys, pin him on his stomach, I think we need to show him what will happen when you mess with ninja turtles…" and grinned as he uncapped the needle, and saw the pure fear on his face. 

"This is a medicine that makes you appear that you are in a coma and paralyze your legs and arms. You will be in this 'coma' for 3 months, long enough for your legs and arms to lose all that muscle strength. Long enough to put you out of commission for up to 2 years." Don said smirking and laughing. 

Raph and Leo grinned, pinning the now panic stricken man as he tried to throw them off. Raph mocked, "You shouldn't move Case-man, what if Don accidentally sticks that big needle in the wrong place?"

Casey froze and whimpered as he felt the needle penetrate his skin. "I'll tell the world about you."

Don laughed, "Oh," he said sarcastically, as he injected Casey, and took the needle out, "That's going to be very hard since you are going to be mute. There is an added bonus to this injection. I never meant for it to happen but it does. It can paralyzed your voice box for a very, very long time, and when it ends, we'll be back to give you another injection before you can talk again."

Leo smirked as he got up, allowing Raph to knee Casey in the groin several times, "You are lucky we follow bushido. We would have killed you if we didn't care about honour….but we restored Mikey's honour, for what you did to him."

Don walked over to the phone and called 911 and gave them Casey's address. 

Raph growled in Casey's ear, seeing him on the verge of passing out, "We will be watching you, and if you breathe a word of us to the world, we will come back for you…that's a promise."

And the three brothers quickly left the apartment as sirens indicated the ambulance was going to arrive soon. 

They nodded, watching as Casey was taken away in the ambulance. "I can't believe Casey betrayed us." Raph whispered, "He was my best friend….and he wanted to keep me for himself…and I…I almost destroyed my little brother because of him."

Leo and Don held Raph as he cried, "We always knew humans could be dangerous Raph, and we will learn from this. Don't feel too badly. We got justice from it, and we will help Mikey….Casey can't do anymore harm, and we can heal Mike."

Leo nodded as Don spoke softly to Raph a second before, "We know Mikey ran because he believed these lies, and it must have been difficult for him. But from what I have seen, he was willing to come back home, despite Casey, because he missed us as much as we missed him. We'll be okay Raph. We will."

Raph spoke, "We got to save Mike Leo, We just go to."

Don nodded, "We are going to, we just need a plan."

Leo looked at his brothers, "Mikey will be back, this I guarantee, we will not give up on Mikey, and we will get him back. That is a promise and a vow."

**I hope you all liked it, it was fun writing and thanks to all the reviews. PLease review this last chapter so I know how many people was a sequal. **

**This was so much fun to write, and the end with Casey, I hope it alright, I thought it was perfect. Perfect way to get revenge. Let me know how much you liked it. PS, I can't remember if Casey was dating April, but if they were in this fic, then she's in for a big surprise, (coming up) and since its like 2:30 AM right now, I think I'll go to bed. **

**NITY NITE!**


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